


A Silver Lining

by SparklyQuarians



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-26 14:55:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14404491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklyQuarians/pseuds/SparklyQuarians
Summary: Not long after waking from a coma, a betrayal breaks Shepard's heart until someone sets her up for online dating. A secret admirer quickly discovers her identity and sparks up an online friendship. When her mystery man is finally revealed, she realises the saying is true. Every cloud has a silver lining.Garrus cheats on Shepard with Tali. You've been warned.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dont hate me. This story held my brain hostage and demanded I write it.

Tali and Garrus dressed in silence, as the lingering scent of sex, started to fade. It was always the same routine. Garrus would leave the hospital in the evening, returning home to the apartment he was given on Earth, to find Tali waiting for him. They'd have dinner, cuddle on the sofa, then they'd retire to the bedroom for the night. In the morning, Garrus would, almost wordlessly, leave for the hospital until the evening.

Garrus seemed to caught in an endless cycle of guilt, frustration and selfish need. His lover and future mate was still in a coma, induced by the medical staff, while she recovered from injuries sustained while saving the galaxy. In his, some what lousy, defence, he never meant to end up in bed with Tali. After Shepard was rescued from the rubble in London, doctors didn't think her odds of surviving were all that high, so he got a little drunk, but not so drunk, he didn't have some degree of control over himself. Tali walked him home and they talked into the morning. After that, he had no memory of how he woke at lunch time on the sofa with Tali getting herself into her suit.

It had become all to easy to forget Shepard, when at home with Tali. But now that Shepard's body had healed quicker than any one had ever expected, the doctors had decided to wake her from the coma. He hadn't thought about what he'd do if Shepard did actually wake up, but he wanted to be with her, only her. Tali filled the void left by Shepard, but if she lived, Shepard would fill that void again.

However, Tali had no idea that her time at his side was entirely dependant on whether Shepard lived or died. She had always wanted Garrus, becoming jealous of Shepard that she had actually got him. She secretly hoped that when Primarch Victus was aboard the Normandy, he'd catch Shepard's attention as it was obvious that the Primarch had amorous attentions towards the Commander, however, she could not be swayed.

Perhaps naively, she expected that Garrus would find a time to break the news gently to Shepard, should she wake, that he and Tali were now together. They had kept things hidden from the other crew and made sure not to leave any evidence that Liara could find in her role as the Shadow broker. The Asari was fiercely loyal to Shepard, probably slightly infatuated with her too, that she would not tolerate what they were doing, nor would the rest of the crew. Eventually, they would tell the crew in hope they would be happy for them.

Garrus left, muttering a quiet "See you later" as he was already out of the door, leaving Tali wondering, what else she must do.

He returned later that day, frustrated and exhausted as he usually was after being with Shepard all day. He wanted to forget and Tali was only too willing to help him. While having sex, the comm had pinged persistently, both too lost to acknowledge it. It was only when they were laying in the hazy glow of their orgasms, the comm pinged again, did Garrus answer it.

"Hello?" He breathed out, slowly coming back to reality.

" _Garrus. Where in the Goddess have you been?"_ Liara snapped back impatiently, over the comm.

"Liara?" He spluttered in surprise, signalling to Tali to keep quiet. "I've just got back. What is it?"

"I tried calling twenty minutes ago. Shepard is awake and asking for you."

"I'll be there!" Garrus jumped up from the bed, quickly getting dressed, not even casting a backwards glance to Tali before he left. Guilt quickly got to him, knowing that as Shepard was waking up, he was inside of Tali, forgetting about her.

* * *

Shepard heard the steady beeping of a machine, although she couldn't place where it was.

She tried to muster the energy to open her eyes, but the lingering effects of the coma kept clinging to her. "Garrus?" She called out, weakly.

"Goddess." Liara exclaimed, rushing to her friend's side. "Take it easy, Shepard."

She tried again to open her eyes, finally able to make out the blue tone to Liara's skin. "Where's Garrus?"

"I'll go call him." Liara rushed out the room to call him while the doctors checked on Shepard.

She called, letting it ping for over five minutes before she gave up with a grunt. Grabbing the doctor as he left Shepard's room, she asked for an update. After a discussion with the doctor, Liara tried Garrus again, finally connecting. Her suspicions were raised when he answered quite breathlessly, but she ignored it, knowing Shepard wanted him by her side.

Garrus arrived at the hospital, rushing to her room. He was relieved when he saw her sitting up in bed, giving him a weak smile. "So I spent months on trying to get you to sleep, then you go and spend 2 months sleeping." He joked, taking her hand.

"I think I earned a rest. I did save the galaxy."

"Yes, you did." He pressed his mouth plates against her hand,taking in her scent. "I've missed you, Elowen."

"Good. Now, be the perfect boyfriend and get me a huge hamburger." She chuckled.

He laughed, giving her a quick kiss. "Your wish is my command."

Shepard was snoozing when Admiral Anderson and Admiral Hackett entered her room, rousing her from her a slumber. "Admirals, if they galaxy needs saving, ask someone else. I've retired."

Both men laughed lightly. "No, Shepard. We just came to see how you are." Anderson moved to give his former protégé a quick peck on the cheek.

"I'm glad to see you both in one piece. Now why are you really here?" She asked, suspicious of their motives.

Hackett made a slight coughing noise, before he moved towards the window, looking down on the street below. "The doctors don't believe that'll be fit for active duty again. So you need to think about your options for the future."

"What are the options?" She asked.

"You can retire with an Admiral's pension. The Alliance Parliament are looking for members and the Councillors are looking for a new Humanities Councillor." Anderson told her.

"That's not much choice since I nearly died saving this galaxy."

"What is that you want, Shepard?" Hackett asked.

"I want my ship and my crew back. I may not be fit for active duty, but it doesn't mean I cant captain a ship. I'll play diplomat, Councillor, what ever you need. But I pick what we do, where we go and who is on my crew."

"Who'll be in charge of the ground team?"

"James, if he's staying."

"Fine. We can discuss the finer details when you are ready to return to duty." Hackett said with a polite nod. "Oh, a Major Coats is requesting a visit with you. It seems you saved him and another soldier. He wants to offer his thanks."

"If people want to visit, I have no objections. As long as that woman, Al-Jilani is kept at bay."

"As you wish, Shepard." Both men left, leaving her to her thoughts.

She had expected that the doctors wouldn't allow her to return in the capacity she had before. She didn't ask the for true extent of her injuries, as long as she could walk and bark orders, that all she care about. But even if she couldn't go ground side, she'd still be in charge of the Normandy. She was still a Spectre, at least for the time being, so she need a ship. No one was going to take the Normandy from her.

Thinking of the Normandy, almost like magic, Joker appeared in the doorway, a shit eating grin on his face. "You look like shit."

"Fuck you, Joker." She fired back with a smirk. "What is in the bag, Flight Lieutenant?"

He approached, placing the bag on the bed. "I heard you had woken up. You were always a lazy shit. So I headed to the nearest grotty little burger place, that this city has to offer and got you two."

Shepard gasped, snagging the bag quickly, eagerly opening it to check the contents. A groan that sounded entirely to much like lust, escape her lips as she took the aroma of the burgers. "Joker, I fucking love you sometimes."

He watched as she devoured both burgers in quick succession. "Is Garrus not here?"

She shallowed the last bite, before taking a drink of water. "I sent him out for a burger. He's taken ages."

"I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"I'll have to endure your company for a while." She chuckled as they engaged in some teasing banter, letting the minutes go by while she waited for Garrus to return.

* * *

Garrus had returned to his apartment to get someone for Shepard, when Tali returned to speak to him. He tried to brush her off gently, but she wouldn't be deterred. "Not now, Tali."

"When are you going to tell her?" She questioned.

"About what?"

"About us."

"She's just woken up, Tali. She is my main focus right now."

"Fine. But she deserves to know the truth. You don't want to be with her. Longer you drag it out, the worse it will be."

Garrus wasn't normally a coward, but he found himself in a situation that he had no idea how to get free from. He wanted to be with Shepard, but Tali kept drawing him back in when he finally summoned the courage to tell her, it had all been a mistake. He felt horrendously guilty about betraying Shepard and he preyed she would never find out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the angst!

It was finally time for Shepard to step back on the Normandy. After being sidelined, giving her time to recover from her injuries, it felt good to be home, where she belonged. She had been kept in hospital longer than was strictly necessary. Miranda had given the all clear with regards to her implants and assured the doctors that she was fit to be released, but the doctors dragged their feet, so she was left languishing in hospital. One day, she snapped at Hackett. The next day, she was released.

It felt so good to be back, to the familiar surroundings, even though it had changed somewhat. The Normandy had been retrofitted to fit her new status as a diplomatic ship. Gone was the red lighting, replaced with something softer and the security check point had been removed, making way for a desk.

Shepard turned when the door to meeting room opened and Traynor stepped through it, causing Shepard to be surprised. "Traynor? I didn't think you'd be staying."

The specialist smiled as her superior officer, clutching a data pad in her hand. "I signed on for more tours. Serving on the Normandy is considered the best assignment among the Alliance personnel."

Shepard placed a hand on the woman's shoulder. "I'm glad you stayed. Now do you have something to show me?"

Traynor blushed. "Yes." She showed Shepard the data pad. "A few things have changed. The war room has gone. It's now your office and your private cabin is there too."

"Give me the tour. I assume Vega will have my old cabin?"

"That is the intention, but ultimately your decision."

"He can have it. He's earned it."

"So the tour." Traynor pointed to the desk where the security checkpoint was. "So, this is where your personal secretary will be." They walked through the meeting room into the office, Traynor moving to the desk. "So this is your new office. QEC in the same place as before. Through that door is your new cabin."

Traynor left Shepard alone to explore her new space. It was beautifully designed. Neat and clean. A faux wooden desk sat in the middle of the space with a big leather chair one side and two small chair the other side. Plants, paintings and plush leather sofas, completed the look. Picking up the name plate on the desk, she laughed as she read it. "Fleet Admiral Elowen Shepard." So now she knew why Anderson and Hackett were being so sneaky. They didn't want to give her chance to turn it down. She would be the youngest Admiral in Alliance history.

The sound of the door opening pulled her from her musing, but the presence in the room was entirely welcome. "So there you are." She teased.

"Permission to enter, Admiral?" He teased back.

"The room or me?" She grinned before biting her lip, getting up to perch on the other side of the table.

"Definitely, the latter." He growled lowly, stalking towards her, easily slipping between her legs. "Shall we tested out the new bed?"

"Oh, yes please." She squealed when he picked her up from the desk, walking with her legs wrapped around his hips, towards the bedroom. "Show me what you got, big boy."

"Oh, I intend to."

They lay in a hazy after glow of incredible sex, Garrus' talons lovingly playing with her long hair. While Shepard lay with her face resting on his chest, Garrus had a burning question on his tongue; a question he had to ask. "Elle, will you marry me?"

Shepard sat up quickly, turning to look at him. "Marry? What?" She asked, confused but hope fluttering in her heart.

"I want to marry you, if you'll have me." He asked with a hint of nervousness in his tone.

She quickly moved up to straddle his hips. "You silly man. Of course I'll have you."

He sat up, wrapping his arms around her waist. "You have no idea, how happy you've made me."

Shepard felt her eyes well up with the love and sincerity radiating from Garrus. "I hope it's the same as you've made me."

They spent the evening making love before eventually resurfacing for dinner. They decided not to tell the crew for a while as they wanted to enjoy it between them first.

* * *

Tali braced herself outside of the door to Shepard's office. She had been practising what to tell her, when she confessed to stealing Garrus away. She pressed the buzzer to the door, waiting to be granted entrance. She stepped in, finding Shepard sitting at her desk.

Shepard smiled up at her, gesturing to a seat the other side of the desk. "Hi, Tali. What can I do for you?"

Tali sat down, fidgeting with her hands. "We need to talk."

"Ok. Sounds ominous." Shepard sat back, waiting for her to speak.

"It's about Garrus." Tali stopped, gulping harshly. "Garrus and I, have fallen in love with each other."

Shepard felt like she had been slapped around the face. "W…what?"

"It started just after the war ended. Things were all crazy, but we got closer, though nothing happened until after you were pulled from the rubble. We got drunk and had sex. We realised we wanted to be together."

"When was the last time you had sex?"

"That isn't any of your business, Shepard."

Shepard slammed her fist down on the desk, making Tali jump in her seat. "When?" She demanded.

"The night before you were released from hospital." Tali said, quietly, wary of Shepard's temper. "Look, Shepard. We want to be together. Garrus wanted to wait until you were healed before we told you. It didn't seem fair to dump it on you when you had only just woke up from the coma."

"Fair, eh." She sneered, rubbing at her lips with her thumb. "Tell me, why isn't he telling me all this?"

"He doesn't know, I'm telling you."

Shepard laughed humourlessly. "So while, I was nearly dying, then recovering from horrific injuries, which have left me fit for nothing but a desk job, you were fucking like rabbits. No concern for me at all?" Shepard didn't give Tali time to reply, instead pointing to the door. "There's the door, walk through it. Say nothing, just go."

Shepard waited until Tali had left, before a broken sob broke free from her. Two of the people she loved most had betrayed her in the worst way. To think that Garrus had the nerve to propose, knowing what he had been doing behind her back. She turned to the picture of Garrus and herself, looking happy, that sat on her desk. In a surge of rage, she swung her hand, grabbing the frame as she stood, before throwing it angrily to the floor, stamping on the picture, in a way they had stamped on her heart.

Rage had taken it's hold on her and knowing the crew would be gathering for dinner, she felt the need to humiliate them both. She could regret her actions at a later time. Leaving her office with the broken picture in her hand, she punched the controls to the lift, to take her down a level to the mess. As the lift door opened, she could hear the voices, one in particular, that made her anger burn hotter. She turned the corner to the mess, to find Garrus by the kitchen counter, talking to Tali.

"You cheating fuckhole!" She yelled, throwing the picture at him, a grim joy briefly tugged at her as it connected with the scarred side of his face. "Behind my fucking back!"

Garrus stood momentarily frozen, dazed by the impact to his face. "Elle, let's go talk." He urged, gently.

"What's going on." Liara asked, looking between a shocked Garrus and a wide eyed, furious Shepard.

"Oh, you don't know, Liara." Shepard growled. "Those two scum bags have been fucking behind my back."

"What?" James spluttered out, turning his eyes towards Garrus.

"Go on, Garrus. Tell everyone how you screwed little miss innocent, behind my back while I was fighting for my life."

"It…..It wasn't supposed to happened, Elle." Garrus tried to explain, feeling the heat of angry eyes staring at him.

"Oh, not supposed to happen, eh." Shepard scoffed, eyeing something else she could throw at him. "According to the suited whore, you're in love." She mocked in a high pitched voice. "You wanted to be together. I'd have believed that, if you hadn't asked me to marry you, three nights ago after you spent an evening inside of me."

"What?" Tali sounded close to crying and it did give Shepard same grim satisfaction.

"Oh, poor Tali." She pouted her lips, mocking Tali's upset. "Does it hurt to know that he never wanted you, after all? Just a convenient hole for him to forget about his woes and his dying girlfriend."

Garrus approached Shepard, reaching out to touch, only to have his hand slapped away. "I'm sorry, Elle. It was a mistake."

"A mistake?" She laughed, throwing her arms around herself. "Forgetting to do your zip up after you take a piss, that's a mistake. Joker forgetting to turn the sound off when he watches porn, that's a mistake. Fucking someone else, that's not a mistake. Certainly not after you've fucked her the night before your girlfriend is released from hospital."

"Elle…." Garrus pleaded.

"After everything I'd done for you, for her. Was it not good enough? I saved this shit hole galaxy, was that not enough?" The tears that she had been holding back, had escaped, slipping down her cheeks as pressed a hand into her chest, hoping to suppress the pain. "Do I not deserve, even a little bit of loyalty." She charged at him, angrily slapping and pushing at his chest. "What did I ever fucking do, Garrus? What did I do to deserve this?"

The room stood frozen as she continued her outburst. Garrus couldn't move, overcome with guilt, knowing he was causing her pain. "I love you, Elle." He whispered.

She felt the blood pour out of nose, her head spinning. She was vaguely aware of Liara standing less than an arm's length away. She knew she was going to pass out and like fuck would she fall into Garrus' arms. He lost the right to catch her.

She woke up, groaning, her head pounding with pain. Dr Chakwas appeared at her side, stopping her attempts to sit up. "Don't sit up, Shepard."

"What happened?" She asked, groggily.

"You passed out. You are meant to avoid high stress situations, Shepard."

"Yeah, had no choice in that." She heard the yelling in the mess hall, knowing the crew where giving Garrus a hard time.

"Yeah. James wants to know, what you want to do with them."

"I want them gone." She said quickly. "Tell Joker to head back to the Citadel. Until then, they are both confined to life support. I don't to see either of them."

"I'll go and tell James."

Once alone, the tears starting again and she never felt more alone. Without warning, arms surrounded her, stroking her hair. "Shhhh, Shepard. I'm here." Steve soothed, letting her cry against him until she fell asleep.

No one on the crew could understand, just why Garrus and Tali had betrayed her so badly. She was a one of a kind person and a privilege it was to know her. But they knew she would come through and not one of them, wouldn't be there every step of the way.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard groaned as the soothing hot water hit her skin, easing the tension in her tired muscles. She had a long day, dealing with politicians, brokering trade deals and approving building plans. She wasn't completely sure if all of that was in her job description but the councillors and the Alliance seemed to have dumped it all on her.

After her shower, she sat down on the bed, pulling on some clean shorts and a vest top, before wrapping the towel around her dripping wet hair. Once dressed, she moved to her desk, intending to check her emails before bed. After wading through all junk and some downright weird messages, she found one that caught her attention.

_To: ReaperKiller1._

_From: iPartner._

_Subject: Your matches._

_Dear ReaperKiller1,_

_The following profiles have been matched with yours._

_ShepardsNo1fan._

_HotandHornyHenry._

_Lostinspace1._

_Aintnothinglikeachickenwing._

_Swoopingisbad._

_Looking4love._

"What the fuck." She muttered. Someone had set her up on a dating site. She had only dumped Garrus two weeks ago. But something inside wanted to check out her profile. "ReaperKiller?" She half laughed as she read her on line name. Anyone would think that they were trying to advertise it was her.

_ReaperKiller1_

_Age: 33_

_Gender: Female_

_Species: Human_

_Occupation: Alliance military_

_Likes: Guns. Chocolate. 21_ _st_ _Century Sci-Fi films. Cooking. Watching the stars._

_Dislikes: Xenophobes. Politics. People stealing my chocolate. Cheaters. Dishonesty._

_Personal Statement:_

_I've just got out of a serious relationship, so I'm looking for a decent, honest guy. I wont tolerate time wasters. I just want someone to date, maybe something with potential to get serious._

_I'm in the military, but I was badly injured, so my mind and body have taken some hits. I'm back on my feet, walking, talking and barking orders. I've been knocked down more times than I can count, but I'll always get back up. I'll stay down, when I chose to._

_I'd like to be wined and dined or even just some competition in a combat sim. If you can surprise me with something different, then I'm all for it._

_P.s I get weirdly aggressive over chocolate. I'd killed for it._

The profile wasn't as bad as she expected. It was pretty decent, so she let it stay. Plus, it'd be nice just to dip her toe in the water to she what the temperature was like.

She looked through the matches, immediately rejecting four of them. It was a choice between "Lostinspace1" or "Looking4love" She decided to take a gamble on the latter. His profile was quite sweet. Something about the vulnerability in his words spoke volumes to her.

She sent a chat request, surprised at how quickly he accepted.

_[Chat request accepted]_

_LL: Hi, I was hoping for a chance to chat with you._

_RK: Hey. First things first. I didn't set up my profile. But after reading yours, I decided to go with it._

_LL: Wow! I had no idea what to even put in my profile._

_RK: You didn't give much away._

_LL: Yeah. I'm suffering a crisis of self esteem atm._

_RK: That's ok. I've been feeling the same lately._

_LL: Since it's you. I'm a Major in the military. I was a squad leader trying to keep London from going under. I coped with the pressure of command, then I lost my leg protecting one of my unit. Now, I'm thinking of going into politics._

_RK: I feel you. I'm a Commander and I was badly injured. Then my boyfriend cheated. So I threw myself into my work to avoid feeling lonely._

_LL: It's nice to talk about it with someone who understands. So, would you really kill for chocolate?_

_RK: Absolutely! I don't mind sharing, just ask first._

_LL: I had a lieutenant who would steal my coffee. I cant function without my morning coffee._

_RK: I don't like coffee, so your stash is safe around me._

_LL: I'll keep that in mind. So what happened with your boyfriend? If you don't mind me asking._

_RK: He was screwing one of my closest friends, while I was still recovering in hospital._

_LL: What an arsehole!_

_RK: My thoughts, exactly._

_LL: Well….his loss and hopefully, my gain._

_RK: And what a gain it would be. I'm quite the catch._

_LL: I have no doubt about that. So, do you want to chat again?_

_RK: I'd love to. I can make some time, same time tomorrow?_

_LL: Sounds like a plan! But, I don't know your name?_

_RK: You can call me, Elle._

_LL: I'm JD. Yes, my parents actually called me that._

_RK: Night, JD. Sweet dreams._

_LL: Night, Elle._

_[ReaperKiller1 has logged off]_

Shepard logged off, unable to stop the smile stretching across her lips. It was silly! She had never even met the man, but she could the butterflies in her stomach. It was something nice and new, that she could enjoy. She could go to Liara to find out who he was, but she wanted to to go with the flow and just enjoy getting to know someone.

* * *

 

Shepard stepped into the lift, humming to herself as it took her down to the mess for breakfast. She had woken up to a message from JD, wishing her a good day, to which she eagerly responded. She was looking forward to tonight, getting to chat with him again.

The lift doors opened and she stepped out, rounding the corner to see Steve and James chatting to Liara. "Good morning, boys. Liara." She grinned as she walked lightly to the kitchen.

"You're in a good mood this morning, Lola." James smirked, throwing Steve a knowing look.

"I am, my gorgeous Lieutenant." She sung as she rifled around in the cupboards. "Anyone want pancakes."

Steve got up moving to her side, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Add some banana to those pancakes and I'll do your paperwork for a week."

"Steve, I'll make pancakes for your pretty face, any day." Shepard giggled when he kissed her cheek. "Want some, Liara?"

"Of course, Shepard. Call me when they're done, I need to finish some work." Liara walked back to her office, leaving just the three of them.

"So, what's got you so…..happy, Lola." James asked.

"I've realised that, I'm young, hot and not made for moping. I've given as much consideration to my relationship with Garrus as he did. Which obviously wasn't much." She replied as she flipped a pancake.

"Good for you, Lola."

"I'm going to take some pancakes up to Joker. Don't eat them all James." Shepard walked to the lift, carrying a plate of pancakes and a cup of coffee.

Both men waited until the lift door had closed before speaking. "See, Estaban? I said it was good idea to set her up on line dating."

* * *

 

Shepard could barely wait until the evening. It had been another day of trade negotiations and meetings with other ambassadors. She wanted to chat with JD again, just to get to know him more. She sat at her desk, noticing a chat request. She eagerly accepted, mentally planning her opening.

_[Chat request accepted]_

_RK: Hi, JD. How's your day?_

_LL: Just another day of rehabilitation and physiotherapy. So frustrating when you have no voice to tell people to piss off. How's your day been?_

_RK: I've had a day of brokering trade deals and boring meetings. My brain feels like it's gone on strike._

_LL: I'm glad we can chat. I've been looking forward to it. It's nice to have something to look forward to. I haven't had much of that lately._

_RK: You wanna talk about it?_

_LL: You don't mind?_

_RK: Of course not._

_LL: My life seems to be one bad thing after another. My wife died 10 years ago now. We lost a child before that. She'd be 20 now. So, I'm old, alone, depressed and injured._

_RK: Have you been in any relationships since she passed?_

_LL: I've had a couple of flings and one I thought was serious, but turns out she wanted another man, despite the fact he was in a relationship too._

_RK: I feel that pain. So tell me about your wife._

_LL: Her name was Octavia. She was an artist, very much a free spirit. She had a way of always looking on the bright side. If she was here now, she'd be telling me, "You might be injured, but you're still alive." I try to grasp on to that._

_RK: That's what I tell myself. I'm not fit for active duty, but I'm still here, on my ship, with my crew. Until I find a new way to live my life, I'll keep living this one._

_LL: That's something Octavia would say. I think you'd have gotten on well._

_RK: Maybe we would have. I'm glad you told me about her._

_LL: It's nice to talk about her again. I haven't talked about her all that much since she died. I would tell you about our daughter, but I'm not ready to open up those feelings yet._

_RK: I'm here if you want to. Still here if you don't._

_LL: You know, Elle. I was at my lowest point when my friends said, join iPartner. Just for someone to chat to. I read your profile and I knew we'd connect. I'm glad we have._

_RK: I'm glad too. Maybe when your voice is back, we can talk properly._

_LL: It's nice to have an incentive. They say my voice will never be the same, but I don't care, I just want to talk again. Then maybe I'll work on walking._

_RK: One day at a time, JD. I wont be going anywhere._

_LL: Thanks. One day talking to you, has got me convinced I can get better._

_RK: You will get better. It's what Octavia and your girl would want. If you feel like you wanna give up, I'm available day and night._

_LL: Your boyfriend was crazy to give up a woman like you._

_RK: Your gain, remember?_

_LL: Gain? I feel like I should do the lottery, I feel so lucky._

_RK: If you win, share it with me. I'd like to retire on a beach._

_LL: Let's retire together. We can have a few kids, loads of pets, then just swim and build sandcastles all day._

_RK: Have barbecue for dinner every night and get fat on cake._

_LL: Sounds like heaven._

_RK: Maybe one we'll find it. I better head to bed. I've got a long day ahead of me._

_LL: Sweet dreams, Elle._

_RK: Night, JD. Remember, day or night._

_[ReaperKiller1 has logged off]_

Shepard climbed into bed, thinking about JD. It felt like she had found a kindred spirit. Someone who carried a great deal of pain, like her, understanding what it's like to feel the crushing weight of hopelessness and loneliness. He needed someone, like she did. Even if it never went further than chatting on line, it was something they both needed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know. You'll get no real hints from me about who mystery man is.
> 
> Ok....
> 
> Just one. He's sexy. That's all you get.

It had been a while since Victus had been on the Citadel. Now he was Primarch, he spent all of his time trying to put Palaven back together. It had been a hard task, but things were slowly healing.

Now, he finally had time to get to the Citadel, so he could meet with Sparatus. After the meeting, they both ended up in Purgatory with Oraka, Corinthus and others, drinking and trading stories.

It was Victus' turn to buy the drinks, so he strolled to the bar nearby, his attention taken by the soft curves of a crimson haired human. He had no qualms about checking her out, especially since she had her back to him. The dress she was wearing was almost criminal. It hugged every curve and stopped mid thigh with a teasing split at the back. It shimmered with red glitter, making every man stop and stare.

Then…..she turned around.

His mouth went dry, when the vibrant blue eyes of the one and only "Commander", caught him staring. He shook himself mentally, when he realised she was talking to him, that devious little smirk on her full lips. "Are you having a nice time, Admiral?" He asked, trying to keep it cool.

"Even better now." She grinned. "It's been a while, Primarch."

"It has, Shepard. Why don't you join us?"

Shepard looked over his shoulder to the table, chuckling to herself. "I don't know. Oraka might have a heart attack if he sees me."

"At least it will be entertaining." He chucked. He walked back to the table with Shepard in tow. "Look who I found."

"Commander Shepard!" They cheered in unison.

"Hey! It's Admiral. I outrank most of you." She took a seat on the couch next to Oraka, crossing a leg over, enjoying the eyes fixed on her. "Still checking me out I see, Septimus."

"Of course." He breathed out, looking her up and down. "So…What happened with, Vakarian?" He drawled out.

She stilled, shifting uncomfortably, her eyes moving between the listening others. "He was fucking someone else. Nothing more to say."

"Hmmmm. I'm sure there is a long queue of Turians eager to take his place." His voice laced with suggestion.

"Oh. I'm sure." She said quickly.

Victus grunted at Oraka, warning him to lay off. He could tell Shepard wasn't interested in discussing Garrus. "Behave Oraka."

Sparatus coughed slightly, surprisingly taking pity on Shepard. "Actually. Admiral, may I have a word?"

Shepard stood up quickly, grateful for Councillor Sparatus' intervention. "Sure. Lead the way."

He led her to the quietest part of the club, waiting for the other patrons to move away. "Shepard, I know you don't want to discuss it. I just want you to know he has been dealt with. But it's not much consolation, is it?"

"No, it's not." She sighed, looking down into the drink, still in her hand.

Something about witnessing the infallible Shepard's mask slip away, unsettled him. A woman like her, a raw, sexy, arrogantly confident woman, should have people worshipping at her feet. Admittedly, he wanted to be one of them, but he'd never be so tasteless to make a move. She clearly wasn't receptive to them at present. "It may not mean much from me, but any man who had a woman like you, should feel like he owned the galaxy." He enjoyed the small smile that he drew out of her.

"Thanks." She whispered as a gloved talon tenderly stroked the underside of her chin. "I'll let you get back to the others."

His gaze lingered on her for a brief moment, before stepping back. "Take care, Admiral." He nodded and walked away, leaving Shepard to finish her drink in peace.

Shepard walked to entrance of Purgatory, making it past the inner door, before a familiar voice called her name. She turned around to see Victus running to catch up with her. "Something you need, Primarch?"

"I just wanted to apologise." He stopped in front of her, placing his hand on her forearm. "Oraka can be very tactless."

"It's fine. I expect I'll get even worse questions." She shrugged. His fire like gaze kept her mesmerised, unable to look away.

"Garrus is a fool. Take care…Elle." With that, he was gone.

Shepard stared after him, her body heat rising at the way he said her name. Not her last name or rank. Not even her full name. But her actual nickname that people close to her used. A name that Garrus used.

* * *

When she got back to ship, she decided to check in on JD, to see how he was doing. She'd rather talk to him rather than have all those drunk guys hit on her.

_[ReaperKiller1 is on line]_

_RK: Hey JD._

_LL: Hey Elle. Did you have a nice evening?_

_RK: It would have been better if drunk guys weren't trying it on all night._

_LL: You must have looked hot._

_RK: I did._

_LL: Love that confidence._

_RK: Is it weird that my ex's superiors even hinted at trying it on?_

_LL: You must be really smoking hot. What were you wearing?_

_RK: That is cliché. It was a short red sparkly dress that hugged everything and displayed a teasing amount of cleavage._

_LL: Damn!_

_RK: What?_

_LL: That is something I might need to see._

_RK: Too bad the dress is already off._

_LL: So not helping!_

_RK: Sorry._

_LL: No you're not._

_RK: Yeah, I'm not. I'll make a deal with you._

_LL: Do tell!_

_RK. If we ever have a first date. I'll wear it for you._

_LL: That is what I call, inspiration. Deal._

_RK: You gotta wear a suit for me. A man in a suit is guaranteed sex._

_LL: I think you have revived my libido._

_RK: That was far too easy. You have no idea what I look like._

_LL: Can I guess?_

_RK: Sure._

_LL: You are fairly tall. Slim waist. Pert firm ass from working out. Ample breasts but not too big. Long lush hair. Beautiful golden skin. Perfect full lips. Not sure about eye or hair colour. Am I close?_

_RK: Close. I also have very long legs. My hair is red and I have blue eyes._

_LL: Oh my….I love red heads._

_RK: What about you?_

_LL: Well, I'm very tall. Shaved head. Grey eyes. Getting podgy around the middle now, used to have a six pack. Have a scar on my left cheek. The rest of me is pretty shitty now._

_RK: I bet you are gorgeous. When we do have a first date, you can pay because I'll be right._

_LL: Oh, I'll doing anything you ask, little red._

_RK: I'm gonna go to bed. Don't fantasise about me too much._

_LL: Too late! Stuck my brain. Night Elle._

_RK: Night, my wounded soldier._

_[ReaperKiller1 is off line]_

Shepard laid in bed for an hour, trying to picture JD in her head. She hoped one day they would meet. Even if it was just as friends.

* * *

Shepard stepped into the waiting room of Huerta Hospital, waiting for the doctor to call her in for her appointment. She knew she would have to wait for a while, her doctor was always fully booked and took extra time with some patients. The door opened, making her look up. She was surprised when Kal'Reegar walked through the door. "Reegar. I'm surprised to see you on the Citadel?"

He limped through the door, moving to take a seat next to her. "I'm here to get regular therapy. They asked for volunteers for a treatment to boost our immune systems."

"And you being so brave, was the first?"

She couldn't see it, but he blushed . "I was the first volunteer. I can have my mask off occasionally."

"What happened to the leg?"

"Broke it trying to save a Turian General from certain death. You're looking good."

It was Shepard's turn to blush. "Thanks."

Reegar fidgeted in his seat, turning to look at her. "So…have you seen Tali lately?"

Shepard stiffened at the mention of her name. "Nope. Rather not see her again."

He looked down, slowly nodding. "I had no idea that she even had feelings for him."

She turned to look at him, surprised. "Where you and Tali, an item?"

He nodded. "We were supposed to be. One day, she just stopped responding to me. Then I found out why."

Shepard took his three fingered hand in his. "Sorry, Kal."

He clutched her hand tightly. "I guess they hurt us both."

"You're a great man, Kal. You'll find someone who deserves you."

Kal never realised it before, but Shepard had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. He had never been so close to her, so he could be forgiven for not noticing sooner, but she truly was stunning. Even when she wasn't even trying, she just looked perfect. "Garrus is a fool, to let you go, Shepard." The door opened and the doctor called him in for his appointment. "Take care, Shepard."

Shepard watched him leave and when he left, she let out a little chuckle. It seemed to be a recurring theme lately. Men seemed eager to tell her what they thought of Garrus. Joker had been the first. Then James said it. Kaidan was the third. Victus and Sparatus did it in the space of an hour. Even Steve had said it. Now Reegar had said it. It was almost like, now she was single, they were biding their time and waiting for the right moment. She wasn't interest in anything serious but if they asked her out, she would definitely say yes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up til 2am to finish this. I hope you like it. 
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter.

_[LieutenantMuscles is online]_

_LM: Hey bro. How_ _'s things?_

_LL: Good. I'm finally mobile at last._

_LM: That's great. How's things with, Lola._

_LL: We talk everyday It might be crazy, but I think I'm falling for her._

_LM: Not crazy, bro. She's something special._

_LL: You never considered going there?_

_LM: Nah. I respected her too much for that._

_LL: Does she talk about me?_

_LM: No, but she's private about that stuff. She's happy though._

_LL: Good. Now my voice is back, I was gonna call her. Do you think it's too soon?_

_LM: Nah. You've been talking for 2 weeks. Time to get things moving. I'll make sure she's free._

_LL: Thanks, mate._

_LM: Lola deserves happiness and so do you. Just remember first boy and name it after me._

_LL: Come see me when you're in London._

_LM: I will. Send me a list of what you need. Steve can get it all._

_LL: Thanks, mate. Say Hi to Steve for me._

_[LieutenantMuscles is offline]_

James smiled to himself, knowing his plan was working. He should feel bad at deceiving Shepard, but setting her up on a dating site was probably his best idea yet. She was so much happier than she had been. Now he just needed to make sure she was free tonight.

* * *

Shepard watched carefully as Steve made his first move. They had just started a chess game, ordered by Dr Chakwas, to make sure Shepard wasn't working so hard. "I don't get Chess." She muttered.

"It's a strategy game, Shepard. I thought you'd be good at it." He chuckled.

"I do strategy in combat. Not on a board." She scoffed, making a move.

"So, how's things in the world of Shepard." He asked.

"Just fine." She replied, nonchalantly. "Although my love life is looking promising."

Steve took one of her pieces after her rookie move, smirking at her. "Oh. Do tell."

"Sick of this stupid game." She huffed. "Let's watch a film."

He joined her on the bed, resting his head on her pillows, stretching his arm out, so she could cuddle into his side. "So, spill lady. What's the gossip."

"Lately, guys trying to give me the subtle come on. Even the Councillor was doing it."

"Is that a problem?"

Shepard sighed. "No, I just wished they'd just flirt properly. I havent had sex since I woke up. I just want to move on from Garrus."

"So go out and flirt. Even if it's just to get some sex."

Shepard struggle, biting her lip. "I met someone online."

Steve turned to look at her, his eyebrow raised. "Really. What's his name?"

"His name is, JD. He's a Major. I really like him and we talk everyday. I feel like I'd hurt him if I went with other guys."

"Look Shepard, you are a sexy, incredible woman. Guys would climb over each other to get a chance with you. Just go for it."

"Maybe you're right. I deserve attention. Thanks Steve."

Steve got up from the bed, stretching his back. "I'm gonna go and get some supplies. You want anything?"

"Yeah. Get the beer and popcorn."

Steve went down to the shuttle bay to find James. He knew James her set up the profile, but he didn't know, he'd set her up with JD. It was a good fit though. JD was a sexy man, all gruff and suave. Like James Bond in a military uniform. Steve was a little jealous.

When he got down to the bay, he found James working on one of the shuttle. "You set her up with JD." He called out, walking towards him.

"Technically, I didn't. I set up the profile and told him how to get her attention."

"Dude, you gotta get things moving. She's lonely and she's got a lot of interested men."

James grunted, dropping his tool. "Fuck it. He's calling her now."

* * *

Shepard sat in her cabin, getting lost in the film, waiting for Steve to return. He had been ages, but he'd probably been delayed by someone. He omni-tool bleeped, making her groan, hoping she wasn't being pestered to save the day again. She opened up her omni-tool, mouth going dry when she saw the name ID. JD was trying to call her. Taking a deep breath, she pressed accept. "Hello."

"Hey, little red." He replied in a gravely, husky voice, with a heavy English accent.

"Hey. This is a surprise." She smiled, his warm chuckle soothing her nerves.

"I've finally found my voice, so I thought I'd call my best girl."

Shepard giggled, settling herself on to the bed. "Best girl, eh."

"So what are you doing. Didn't interrupt anything did I?"

"No. I'm in bed watching a film."

"What's the film?"

"Dont laugh. It's Dirty Dancing." She could hear the throaty chuckle he was trying to hide. "I said don't laugh."

"I never thought you would go for a chick flick, Elle."

"I don't, my Lieutenant picked it. He's gay and into that crap. Strangely, getting into it though. "

"Elle, can I be honest with you?"

Shepard paused, worried that he would bring their friendship to an end. "Ok."

"I find myself, falling for you. I'm not one to say it lightly, so when I say it I mean it. I guess, you really came along when I needed someone, I don't want to let that go."

She felt her eyes well up, a lump in her throat. He was being genuine, she knew it. "I feel…..the same way. I've been getting so much attention from guys, but all I could think about was not hurting you, if I did start dating."

"If you want to date, Elle, I'm fine with that. We havent even met yet and I don't want to hold you back."

"I do wanna date, but I wanna date you."

"Look, I got 3 weeks left in this stupid place. When I'm out, come to London. Let me take you out and treat you how you deserve to be treated."

"I can wait 3 weeks. Remember to wear a suit."

"I will. But you gotta wear the dress."

Shepard chuckled. "You know, you have a really sexy voice."

"Do I? It sounds more gravely than it used to."

"I like it. Imagine what it'll sound like in the throes of passion." She teased, loving the small groan he let out. "It's been a while since I've had sex."

"Likewise. I'm excited to meet you. What do you wanna do?"

"We could have dinner. Then a nightclub. Back to yours for sex."

JD groaned. "You are teasing me, you little minx."

"I know. But you'll learn to love it."

"I already do. But your of teasing me, is nothing compare to what I'll do to you."

Shepard hummed in pleasure. "Is that a promise?"

"It's a guarantee, my little crimson beauty." He let out a long yawned, feeling the effects of exhaustion on his still fragile body.

"Is my wounded soldier tired?" She too yawned, feeling ready for bed.

"I am. I'm going to turn in for the night. I'll call you tomorrow. I think I know the perfect place for our date."

"Oh. Tell me tomorrow. Sleep well, soldier."

"You too, red."

Shepard hang up, unable to stop the grin that spread across her face. 3 weeks was all she had to wait before she got to meet him for real. She was excited, her whole body tingly, in a way Garrus never made her feel. It was crazy, but she knew it was right. Splitting up with Garrus was looking to be the best thing that ever happened to her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Garrus's fault. It's very NSFW and the end is very dark. It might be a bit upsetting. Sorry if it does upset anyone.

Shepard sat in her apartment on the Citadel, wondering what she done to JD. Things had slowed considerably, with him being less talkative with her. She had no idea what she had done, but they'd gone from speaking twice a day to a quick text chat twice a week and it was her that initiated the conversations. For the last 3 days she had no response from him at all. She was tempted to go to Liara, but she was sick of chasing men. If he changed his mind about them, then fine, she wasn't going to mope about it. She was Admiral Shepard, plenty of men would jump into bed with her and she wouldn't even need to ask.

Admiral Shepard waited for no one.

Shepard groaned as she left the comfort of her apartment to go down to Zakera ward. She had been summoned by C-Sec as Jack and Grunt had got into a fight in Purgatory, and being their unofficial CEO, it was down to her to deal with it. Entering Purgatory, she heard Jack yelling obscenities to a Turian C-Sec officer. Her heart stopped when she got closer, realising that Turian happened to be the man that broke her heart.

"Jack?" She called out, causing Garrus to turn around fully to her. "Take Grunt back to mine. I'll sort this out."

"Whatever." Jack wisely walked away in search of Grunt, knowing not to mess with Shepard.

Shepard turned so she didn't have to look at Garrus directly. "I assume that we are finished here, Officer?"

"Shepard…." He moved so he could stand in front of her. "I've been messaging you. We need to talk."

"We need to do nothing. We have nothing to say to each other." She said through gritted teeth. "Why don't you go and talk to Tali." Shepard walked out of Purgatory, not looking back to see if he was following.

Garrus did eventually follow her, all the way to the lift, once she was in the lift, he entered his C-Sec code to disable the lift. "We are going to talk, Elle."

"Let me out." She snarled.

"No." He moved himself in front of the panel, so she couldn't reach it. "I want a second chance."

Shepard laughed. "A second chance? After you fucked one of my closest friends and had the nerve to ask me to marry, knowing what you did? If it was just a one-time thing, I could have maybe forgiven that, but it wasn't, it was multiple times, when I was in hospital, fighting for my life."

He moved towards her, wanting to touch her but wisely stepped back when she recoiled away from him. "I can't explain why I did it. I was weak, but I know what I'll lose. I lost you, I won't make the same mistake."

"That's the thing, what's to stop you being weak again when times get hard?" She sighed, turning away from him. "Garrus, what you did made me realise that it was war keeping us together. Just two broken and lonely people, found comfort in each other. The fact that you found it so easy to move on after war, made me realise that. I'm not even sad that we aren't together."

"I haven't moved on, Elle. I'm stuck still, wondering where it all went wrong."

"It all went wrong because of what you did. You need to learn to make peace with it. I've made peace with it and I'm moving on." Shepard finally turned back to face him. "I used to look at you and think that is man that I love. Now, I look you at and think, that is the man that set me free. If you really loved me, you'd let me stay free."

Garrus' shoulders slumped in defeat. She had moved on with life and had no place left for him in it. Letting her go would hurt him deeply, but that would be his penance. She deserved to happy, it just wouldn't be with him. "You deserve to be happy, Elle. You don't want me and that's fine, but just don't hate me. That's all I ask." He started the lift again, pressing the button for the embassies.

Shepard stood side by side with Garrus, anxiously waiting for the door to open. When it did she stepped out taking a deep breath before looking back. "I don't hate you, Garrus." The door slid to a close, closing the chapter with Garrus for good.

Hours later, after drinking a bottle or two of wine, Shepard found herself back in Purgatory, working her way through a bottle of something green, that tasted of mint. She had danced her way through the club, being groped by Turians, Asari, Humans, some curious Quarians and a blue coloured Drell. Between seeing Garrus and JD being ice cold with her, she decided that the galaxy could go fuck itself and maybe she'll fuck her way through the galaxy.

While drinking at home, she went to her wardrobe, finding the most revealing dress she had. Kasumi had given it to her after she had split from Garrus, calling it a "Guaranteed action" dress. She had buried it the back of the wardrobe as it wasn't to Shepard's taste. It was the kind of dress that would be more appropriate if you were a dancer in afterlife, not a galaxy known Spectre. But when she pulled on the dress, she felt so unbearably sexy, that she wanted people notice her. There was a line between clothed and naked; the dress put Shepard right on the line. The black sheer fabric covered her most intimate areas yet exposing the swell of her breasts and the curve of her hips and bum. It had been six weeks since she last had sex and for a sexual being like Shepard, it was way too long. She didn't know if it was the dress or the drink, but she decided tonight, she wasn't Admiral Shepard nor a Spectre. She was just Elowen, who wanted sex and she was going to have a lot of it.

Now, she was in a private room, surrounded by two Blue Sun mercenaries, Snake and Raven. Not that she cared about names, the booze in her system had worked well enough that her inhibitions had deserted her, her sex drive had ramped up to a level that meant if wouldn't be ignored tonight. She really didn't care who she had sex with, all she wanted was a night of carnal bliss.

She had straddled the lap of Snake, a tall, dark skinned mercenary, kissing him hungrily, while Raven sat behind her, fondling her breasts. Pulling away from the man in front, she turned to the one behind, catching his mouth with her own, groaning as her nipples were exposed, a hot mouth clamping around a hardened peak, while deft fingers teased the other.

Strong hands gripped at her hips, pulling her to the floor, the cold metal floor pressing hard on her knees. Both men stood in front of her, unzipping their trousers. She knew what they wanted, and she was more than happy to do it. Her mouth watered when she exposed their sizable erections, her groin pulsing with want. She eagerly took Snake's cock into her mouth, languidly sucking at the tip, while she directed her lustful gaze to the fair-skinned Raven. She smiled inside, knowing that while she was on her knees, all the power was hers. She turned her attention back to Snake, taking more of him into her mouth until his length hit her throat. A hand grabbed a handful of her hair, so she looked up to see Raven no doubt wanting some of her attention. She released Snake's cock from her mouth with a soft pop, moving to the other. Before she could take him into her mouth, Snake pulled her up to the sofa, so she was on her knees. Raven sat down near her head, so she hungrily took him into her mouth. She groaned around his cock as Snake entered her so quickly, it took her by surprise, but she welcomed his cock. He pulled on her hair, pulling her upwards away from the other man. The man behind her was brutal in his thrusts, hard and unforgiving, pulling her hips back to meet him, her breasts swaying underneath her.

Suddenly, he withdrew his cock, making her whine. Soon his attentions became clear as he buried his face into her sex, making her cry out obscenities as his deft tongue teased her folds. "Yes…..yes…." She screamed as she neared orgasm. Snake was far too good at oral sex and she suspected a man as good looking as him had many opportunities to practice. "Oh fuck!" She cried, gripping on to the sofa as she came hard, her whole body feeling like lead. She turned, laying on her back, spreading her legs for him. "Fuck me!" She demanded.

Snake was only too happy to concede to her wishes. He entered her, leaning down to kiss her as he thrust in and out. Shepard was so lost in pleasure, she had almost forgotten the other man in the room, but she would get to him soon enough. Snake had surrounded her so much that she felt like she was suffocating, but it wasn't unpleasant, it was exactly what she wanted. She came a second time, her walls constricting Snake's cock. With a growl, he came inside of her, coating her walls with sticky fluid.

In an instant, she was on Raven's lap, being entered for a second time that night. She devoured his mouth with her own, as she rolled her hips, fucking him hard. Raven, unsatisfied with the position they were in, manoeuvred them both to the floor, so Shepard's back was flat against the cold surface. He threw one of her legs over his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper.

Shepard found more of her voice, moaning in a high pitch, not caring that people outside could probably hear her. They could come in and have a turn if they wanted. Her thighs began to ache, as he ploughed even harder into her, in desperate, uneven thrusts. Her back arched up as she came hard, crying herself hoarse. Raven near his own climax, making a few more desperate thrusts as he came inside her, her owning waning orgasm milking the last of his cock.

Raven, in a surprising show of chivalry, helped her on to the sofa, so she could come down from her post coital high in comfort. Both men sorted themselves moving towards the door. Shepard sat up, smiling at both men. "Don't stray too far, I might need you again."

Both men smirked at her, before leaving.

She grabbed the bottle of drink, taking another swig. She looked at the time, realising the night was still young. She went to the private bathroom off the lounge to clean herself up, readjusting her dress. As she left the bathroom, she saw a Turian sitting down on the sofa.

"Well, well. The galaxy's sweetheart dressed like a whore and fucking like one."

"Talid…" Shepard growled. "What the fuck do you want?"

Joram Talid moved quickly, forcing Shepard against the wall, his hand around her throat. He sniffed her, growling ferally. "You smell delicious."

Shepard smirked, pressing her body up against his. "I've always loved "Hate sex."

Talid spun her around, pressing her into the wall. "I watched you fuck those two humans. I want my turn."

She shivered in anticipations as he fumbled around with his trousers to free his already throbbing erection. She cried out as he entered her roughly. His hand gripped her around the neck, not hard enough to choke her, but enough to make it pleasurable.

Talid slipped out her, moving her to a table in the room, bending her over it. "Beg for my cock, human."

"Please." She pleaded.

"Not enough." He spanked her arse cheek with an open hand, pleased to see that she obviously enjoyed it. "You like that?"

"Yes." She breathed out.

"Did Vakarian ever do it?" He asked, smacking her again.

"No." She winced as he did it again.

"Good." He entered her but stilled as he filled her completely. "I'm going to ruin you for other men. Then I can enjoy you begging me to fuck you." He pulled out of her, before slamming back into her again. "So wet." He groaned.

Shepard gripped the edge of the table as he fucked her brutally, snapping her hips back to meet him. If she had known that he wanted her so bad, she'd have let him have her much sooner.

Talid never knew Humans were so sexually adventurous. It seemed they were made for sex and enjoyed it, just like Turians did. He'd have to start having sex with Humans more often, now he knew how it felt to be with him. He enjoyed listening to Shepard begging for more as he fucked her. She enjoyed rough sex and that thrilled him. His mind turned to mush when she orgasmed, her walls clenching around his cock like a vice. It was mind blowing and he knew he wouldn't last any long.

With a growl, he came inside her, his full weight pushing her into the table. "Spirts. You are incredible." He groaned, pressing his crest into her back.

"Not, so anti human after all." She laughed, wriggled underneath him trying to get some air.

He stood up, pulling out of her. "Now I know why Humans established themselves so quickly on the Citadel."

Shepard stood up, adjusting herself. "I'm glad I could enlighten you." She smirked, before leaving the lounge.

Shepard's evening turned out to be very enjoyable. She managed to drag her two mercenaries back into the lounge for round two. Then she managed to have a Turian in the unisex bathrooms. The blue Drell found her again in the lounge. Finally, an ex Cerberus agent who recognised her, convinced her to try red sand at his place, which led to some energetic sex in the early hours.

Shepard finally made her way home, sleeping for a couple of hours. When she woke up, the enormity of the night she had ate at her. She had debased herself by having sex with six different men in the same night, including three humans, none of which was protected. Running to the bathroom, she puked into the toilet, sweat dripping down her forehead. She finally made it back to bed, summoning Glyph. "Glyph, can you get Dr Chakwas to come her please?"

"I have already called her, Admiral. She is on her way."

"Thanks, now turn yourself off." Glyph did want he was told and disappeared.

Twenty minutes later, Dr Chakwas entered her bedroom. "What happened to you?"

"I'm hungover." She groaned.

"How much did you drink to make _you_ hungover?" She asked, before seeing what Shepard was wearing. "Why are you wearing that dress?"

"I need some emergency birth control." She thought best not to deal Chakwas that she had multiple partners last night. "Drunken one-night stand."

Chakwas put a glass of water on the bedside cabinet, before pressing the back of her hand into Shepard's forehead. "Are you sure it was just drink."

"Yes, I'm sure."

Chakwas sighed as she stood up. "Get some sleep and I'll come by with the shot later."

Shepard laid in bed, staring at her reflection in the mirror near the bed. She didn't like what she saw. A lonely woman who started doing things she never would have before the war. She would never be the same woman again. "You should have died." She said to her reflection. Getting up from the bed, she leant into the bedside cabinet and pulled out a bottle of scotch. She opened it taking a swig, before moving to the bathroom. She opened the small cupboard, pulling things out, letting them drop in the sink and on the floor. Then she found what she was looking for. She grabbed the bottle of amitriptyline, before going back to the bedroom, slumping down on the bed. She opened the pill bottle, tipping some into her hand. She took a long swig of scotch holding in her mouth, so the pills were easier to swallow. She swallowed the lot before taking another swig of scotch. She dropped the bottle on the floor, ignoring the puddle it created, slumping down on the bed. It wasn't long before the pills took after and the darkness came for her.

James entered the apartment, worried about Shepard as she didn't answer and never did Glyph. "Yo, Lola. Dr Chakwas asked me to stop by."

He was met with silence, so he walked in proper, scanning the space with eyes. He walked up the stairs, the feeling of ill creeping into his bones. He walked into her bedroom, dropping the small bag he was carrying as he rushed over to the bed. He turned her over, shaking her gently. "Lola? Wake up." He shook her again, realising she wasn't breathing. "Shit, Lola. What have you done."

He pulled her to floor, calling Glyph, to activate him again. "Glyph, call Dr Chakwas. Tell her Lola has overdosed." He started CPR, desperately trying to get her breathing again. "Lola, don't you dare do this to me." He cried as he tried to save her, fearing it was already too late. Shepard coughed and spluttered, her breathing shallow and laboured.

James watched in disbelief as she was carted off to hospital. Steve arrived to sit with him. "How dare she make us go through this again." James yelled, kicking the bottle of scotch across the room, watching as it shattered against the wall.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days. Think of it as apology for making you wait a month for an update. Enjoy the bittersweet fluff.

The crew of the Normandy sat in the waiting room of Huerta Memorial hospital, waiting for news about their CO. They didn't speak, instead they just sat in silence, staring into the walls. It was hard for them to comprehend why she would want to commit suicide or at least, that's what the Doctors said happened. She had taken so many pills, combined with the alcohol and red sand in her system, it was a miracle she was alive at all.

Each of them wracked their brains, trying to figure if there was a clue that they had missed. Was she feeling low? Depressed? Anxious? They didn't think any of those things applied to her. If anything, it seemed her life was going great, even after she had split with Garrus and she was adjusting to her new role in the Alliance. They just didn't understand it.

After an hour of sitting there, Dr Chakwas entered the room, causing everybody to stand up and crowd around her. "So, what's the prognosis, Doc?" James asked.

"She's stable and mostly conscious. They want to keep her in for a few days, just to observe her, then she can go home." She gave James a hug as she knew he was still shocked at finding her in that way. "James, go home with Steve. You need time to rest."

James and Steve went back to Shepard's apartment. While Steve went straight to bed, James decided to go to her study to drink. It was there he decided to call JD, to tell him what had happened to her.

He sat at the terminal, waiting for him to pick up. He didn't answer the first time, so he tried again. Eventually he answered, much to James' frustration. "JD?"

"James? Weren't expecting you to call."

James sighed, somewhat annoyed at his friends indifference. "It's about Shepard."

JD paused, deathly silence hanging between them. "What about Shepard?"

"She took an overdose. It was close call."

JD stuttered, letting out a whimper. "I'm afraid that I'm to blame. I haven't been very responsive to her lately."

"What happened?" James asked.

"My wife's parents came to see me in hospital. It seems they are gutted that I didn't die. I shut Shepard out. I didn't want to burden her with my pain." JD started to cry. "I'm so stupid."

"Jay, it isn't your fault. Shepard has so many demons. I don't know what happened, but she just went off the deep end. I'm surprised that she held on this long."

"I have to go. My therapist has come for my appointment. Look after her for me."

"I will. Take care of yourself."

JD had lied about the therapist. What he planned to do was crazy, but he was due to be released in a week any way. He felt as fit as he ever would be again, it was time to leave.

* * *

Shepard had been in hospital for five days before the doctors would consider releasing her. While the drugs had left no permanent damage on her body, the drugs had left a temporary side effect, meaning that she slept more than usual. Her appetite was practically non-existent, and she appeared to be hallucinating. While the visions had decreased, she was still very unfocused, so the doctors weren't willing to release her until she was more lucid.

She was dozing off listening to some Asari music that Liara had brought in for her, it seemed to help her relax more, when she heard the door to her room open, but she had no energy to look up to see who it was. She sighed as a gentle hand stroked her hair and cheek. A tender kiss was pressed into her temple, hot breath tickling her ear. "I'm here, little red." A voice whispered.

"J…" She breathed out, as sleep claimed her again.

The next couple of days were a blur for Shepard. At one moment she was in a hospital bed, then she had a vague memory of James carrying her out of the hospital to the comfort of her own bed in her apartment. She felt happy to be home, back were it was safe. After a day of mostly sleeping, she finally managed to wake up fully, still foggy but awake enough to grab the glass of water by her bed, to take a long drink. It was then she smelled the lure of bacon coming from the kitchen.

She gently manoeuvred herself out of the bed, planting her feet on the wooden floor. Gingerly getting to her feet, she stretched, letting out a deep sigh. She made her way downstairs to the kitchen, expecting to James or Steve. But, she surprised to find an entirely different kind of gorgeous man frying some bacon and eggs. "Major Coats?" She asked in surprise.

He turned to her, surprise that she was awake. "Hey, little red. Couldn't resist the lure of a full English?" He smiled, giving her a cheeky wink.

Shepard felt her legs wobbly as that thick gravely accent sent tingles up her spine. "JD?"

"One and the same." He plated up some food on to two plates, before he moved to Shepard, guiding her to a seat at the breakfast bar. "Sit and eat something."

She sat down in the seat, looking at the plate in front of her. An angry growl from her stomach was audible as she looked at the food, taking in the smell. It didn't take her long to clear her plate and she eagerly devouring the second helping that JD offered. "We need to talk."

"Yes, we do. Come to the sofa." He took her hand, leading her to the sofa. They settled down, JD propping his injured leg up on the coffee table, to ease the ache. "I'm sorry I've been distant, Elle. My former in laws came to see me. They blame me for my wife's death and it just sent me into a spiral. You want to know something sad?"

"Tell me?" The look he gave Shepard nearly made her cry. "What is it?"

"I considered overdosing on my pain meds. I was going to do it. Then James called me. When knew what you had done, I discharged myself and got transport here. I had to be with you."

"I saw Garrus." She cried, sobbing gently, hugging her knees. "He begged for a second chance."

JD pulled her into his arms, caressing her hair. "What happened, Elle."

"Seeing Garrus and you being distant. I just felt so useless." Her breath hitched, and she wiped her tears away with a shaky hand. "I started to drink. I went out to a club and went overboard. I had sex with six guys in one night and ended up doing red sand. When I woke up in the morning, I could see myself in the mirror. I hated what I saw."

The two of them laid on the sofa for hours, letting out all the pent-up emotion that had plagued them for so long, until they fell asleep. Shepard woke up first to the sound of JD's heart beating in a steady rhythm. There was something soothing about listening to thumping beat. The soft groaning of her name drew her attention up to his face, focus on the scar that marred his left cheek. She traced the line of the scar, realising the shape was like half an outline of a love heart. He was a beautiful man, standing at 6 foot 2, with broad shoulders, and taut muscles. They had spent weeks talking to each other and now he was asleep next to her as she studied him in detail.

Everything that went bad in her life seemed to offer up an apology for her suffering. Lately, her apology took a human form of an English Major that listened to her worries, held her as she cried. "You must be an angel." She whispered, laying her head over his heart, soothing her back to sleep.

JD opened his eyes, looking down at her, "No angel here." He whispered, pressing a kiss into her palm. "Just someone who's in love with you." He pulled her tighter to him, cocooning her within his arms. He couldn't chase her demons away, but he would make sure she wasnt alone when she had to fight them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy N7 Day!!

Shepard sat on the hospital bed, patiently waiting for Dr Michel to come back into the room. JD was sat in a chair next to the desk. Although Shepard never liked to rely on anyone, she had to admit, she came to like having JD to rely on. He'd been living at hers for a week, making sure she slept and ate regular meals. The more time she spent with him, the more she fell for him, but it worried her that she was confusing love with need. She did need someone, but she didn't want to keep someone with her if it wasn't love that she felt.

It was strange to her that he was almost a stranger, but he knew her better than anyone she knew. He could read her emotions like she was an open book and be exactly what she needed. But she felt like she didn't do enough for him. He had his own pain, struggled with his own demons, but they were more concerned with hers. She realised quickly that he had made peace with his demons, accepting them and getting on with life.

The longer they were together, the harder it was to imagine life without him in it. Gradually, her nightmares of dying changed to dreams of happiness. There was a vivid dream that kept recurring, which involved her tending to a crying baby. It was so vivid, she would wake up, convinced she could really hear a baby crying. Babies were never on her radar, never imagining herself as a mother. When she was with Kaidan and Garrus, she never envisioned a future with either of them. One day, when JD successfully tempted her out of the apartment, she heard a baby cry. Something about that baby, made her womb ache, like something was missing. Waking up next to JD made her miss her old life less and dream of a new life.

Shepard turned to see JD smiling at her. "What are you smiling at?"

He laughed, standing up to limp over to her. "I was enjoying watching you smile. Whatever you were day dreaming about must have been nice."

She blushed, not realising that she had be grinning away. "I was thinking about you."

"Oh?" His voice laced with mischief. "You want to know what I was thinking when I was smiling at you smiling?"

"Do tell, oh handsome one." She chuckled.

He moved in front of her, his eyes meeting hers. "I was thinking, you are the most beautiful thing in this galaxy."

Shepard looked away, her cheeks hot with blush as she suppressed a giggle. She swallowed before meeting his eyes again. "So, you only like me for my looks." She pouted.

"No. I like the way you sing when you think I can't hear you. The way you laugh. The way you pull funny faces at kids to make them smile. The way you have time for any one who wants to thank you for saving the galaxy." He placed his hand under her chin to tip her head up. He placed a brief tender kiss on her lips. "There's many more reasons to list."

"How are you even real?" She asked, electricity racing through her body. "I may have to keep you."

Dr Michel walked back into the room, browsing through the data pad in her hand. "Well, all of your results are normal. I've had a word with your superiors, it is wise that you don't return to work for a month or so." She said in her thick French accent.

Shepard hopped off the, putting her jacket back on. "Thanks, Dr Michel."

"You may want to come back at a later date, to discuss some birth control." The Doctor turned to smile at JD, assuming he must be her new boyfriend.

"I think my body has had enough drugs in it lately." Shepard muttered awkwardly, knowing the idea of sex with JD hadn't come up yet. She didn't feel ready and he seemed to sense that, so didn't question it.

"Do not hesitate to come back if you change your mind."

They walked around the Presidium after they left the hospital, Shepard greeting people as they passed. She was happy and content for once as they joked and teased each other. After having lunch, JD slipped away briefly, being very secretive about what he was doing. Then she realised that her birthday was six days away. They returned to the apartment with Shepard more convinced than ever that she genuinely was in love with him. She'd have to thank James and Steve one day for their interference in her love life.

* * *

Six days later, Shepard was in the bathroom putting her make up on, getting ready for a night out at the casino. JD had talked her into celebrating her 34th birthday with him. He had his heart set on spoiling her, so she agreed. When she found out that his 39th birthday was in eight weeks, she began planning a surprise for him. He deserved to be treated as he'd been so amazing with her.

As she put on her makeup, she realised he was watching her from the bathroom door. He was dressed in his black suit, leaning against the frame, one leg crossed over the other. "Can I help you?" She smirked.

"Just enjoying the view." He grinned back at her, admiring the way her long midnight blue gown clung to her figure. "The view is spectacular."

Shepard gave herself one last look in the mirror before strolling over to him, stopping when they were side by side, pressing himself into him. "You should see the view underneath." She ran out of the bedroom laughing when he growled lowly at her teasing. "Come on handsome." She called out as she was already halfway down the stairs.

They walked hand in hand into the casino, stopping for the photographer to take a picture. The casino was hosting a benefit for war orphans, so as Alliance Officers, both JD and Shepard were invited. Shepard immediately threw her invitation in the bin, but JD knew that it was a perfect excuse to get her out of the apartment for her birthday. All her crew would be there, so he hoped it would be a memorable birthday. Climbing the stairs, they looked like the perfect couple. In love and happy, even if they hadn't admitted to each other about how they felt.

JD cast admiring eyes over the woman next to him, feeling like the luckiest man in the galaxy. "You look breath-taking." He whispered in her ear, before pressing a kiss on her temple.

Shepard smiled blissfully, enjoying the feel of his lips lingering on her skin. "You look pretty good too."

"Go find us a seat and I'll get the drinks."

Shepard found a cosy sofa to sit on, as she waited for JD to return. She decided that tonight she would tell him how she really felt about him. It really was love she felt for him and she wanted him to know. Also, she hoped that they would become more imitate with each other. She was ready for sex again, now her mind and body were in a better place.

She scanned the room, spotting JD at the bar. It was then she realised that Kaidan was walking towards her. "Kaidan. Long time no see."

Kaidan sat down beside her, setting his drink down on the table. "Shepard. You look beautiful."

Shepard blushed, smiling at her former lover. "You're looking good. How have you been?"

"Working with biotic kids." He stopped, giving her a sad smile. "I heard what happened."

"Don't worry." Shepard patted his hand. "I'm better than ever now."

JD walked back to Shepard, drinks in both hands. He noticed she was talking to another man and he hated the jealousy that he was feeling. He could tell from the man's face that he had feelings for Shepard. Most men look at her that way, but there was extra layer of feelings in the way he looked at her. They hadn't talk about their relationship at all since he moved into hers. He didn't want to scare her when she was feeling vulnerable. He was there to support her through rough times, but he didn't want to lose her now. He loved her more than anything, losing her now would be the end for him.

He re-joined Shepard, putting her drink on the table in front of her. "Sorry, it took so long." He said as breezily as he could be muster.

"Oh thanks, handsome." Shepard took a sip of her drink before setting it back down. "JD, this is, Major Kaidan Alenko. He was part of the SR-1 crew." She shifted slightly to give JD room to sit down. "Kaidan, this is, Major JD Coats. My amazing boyfriend."

JD and Kaidan were equally surprised when she introduced the former in that way. JD extended his hand to Kaidan, shaking his hand. "Pleased to meet you, Kaidan."

"And you, JD." Kaidan burned with jealousy as Shepard leaned into JD. The look on her face pained him, knowing her never made her feel that way. "How did you two meet?"

Shepard laughed. "That's a long story. I'm just really happy that we did."

JD gave Shepard a kiss on her cheek, before standing up. "I see some mates of mine. Are you going be alright for a while?"

"Yeah, you go get some man talk?" Shepard laughed as his breath tickled against her ear.

"I was just gonna talk about you." He teased, sauntering away, turning back to give her a wink before he was out of sight.

Kaidan watched as he left, hoping that he wouldn't return. "He's seems like a nice guy."

"He's wonderful. Exactly what I needed after Garrus." Shepard couldn't help the hurt that laced her reply. She was happier than she had ever been but didn't mean that she didn't still feel the hurt by what Garrus and Tali did. "He's the one I want to spend my life with."

Kaidan reached over, taking her hand in his. "You deserve it, Shepard. If anyone deserves a long happy life, it's you." In his heart, he truly meant what he said. She deserved to be happy, even though it wouldn't be with him.

She laid her hand on top of his, giving him a beaming smile. "Thanks, Kaidan. I hope you'll make some time for me occasionally."

"I've always got time for you, Shepard." He accepted that they'd never find what they once had, but at least he still had room in her life.

Shepard stood up still holding his hand. "Come on. Let me introduce you to the only other person I know with genes as perfect as yours."

Kaidan chuckled warmly as he got to his feet. "Lead the way."

JD watched at a distance as Shepard laughed and joked with her friends. She was dancing in the middle of a sea of people, looking carefree and at peace. She was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He never envisioned he'd manage to put his life back together, but with her, he could see himself whole again. He'd always have his wife and child in his heart, but Shepard owned his heart. He decided to join her, let her enjoy her birthday with her friends for a few hours before he stole her away.

The clock had turned midnight when they finally left the Casino. They ended up on the Presidium, eating burgers from a fast food place, as they walked along the water front. JD has given her his jacket, as the Presidium tended to get chilling when it powered down to its late-night hours. It had been a great night, especially for Shepard who'd won first prize in a raffle. They had joked where they could spend a 3-week luxury vacation, deciding that it should be where neither of them had been before.

They stopped on the bridge overlooking the water, taking in the peaceful surroundings. JD stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she leant backwards into him. "Since it's your birthday, it's traditional for the man in your life to buy you expensive gifts." He fumbled around in his pocket, pulling out a small box. "It' very soppy of me but it's no less true."

Shepard watched as he opened the box, revealing a silver necklace, with a heart shape pendant. A tear slipped down her cheek, as she traced the lines of the pendant with a finger. "It's beautiful." She whispered.

"There's a diamond for April and Alexandrite for June." He kissed her shoulder gently, breathing in her scent. "There's space to add more gems to it." He added with hope.

Shepard caught his meaning. He was talking about children. "I think it needs maybe 2 or 3 gems to complete it. Put it on me."

JD moved her long hair aside, lovingly kissing her neck, before he placed the necklace around her neck, making sure it was secured. He turned her around, almost blown away by the love in her eyes. "You are everything in my life, little red. I never thought my life would be worth living again. I love you, little red."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders caressing the growing hair on his head. "I love you, JD. I don't think I've ever loved anyone so much."

Their lips met in a chaste kiss, deepening when all their insecurities faded away, giving into the passion they truly felt for one another. They pulled apart, slightly breathless, laughing quietly. Shepard laughed against his lips as she tugged his shirt out of the hem of his trousers, slipping her hands under the fabric to caress his skin. "We need to get home. Otherwise, I'm going to have you on this bridge."

In one swift movement, JD picked her up in his arms, carrying her towards the transport terminal. "Not that I would object to that, but what I plan to do needs total privacy."

She giggled as she held tightly on to him. "So, the sweet and loving JD is a beast in disguise."

"Oh, little red. I'm going to have you on cloud nine when I'm done with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what happens in the next chapter......


	9. Chapter 9

JD sat at the piano, paying Beethoven's Fur Elise repetitively, waiting for Shepard to come back from the bedroom. It had been a long time since he played, as it reminded of his mother. He loved the listening to the soft dulcet tones when he was a child, because he knew that his mother was truly happy when playing. She had taught him to play, but when he cut contact with his mother he stopped playing all together. It was only when he Shepard that he felt confident enough to play again.

He closed his eyes, losing himself in the Rhythm. Tender hands caressed his shoulders, squeezing them gently to ease out the tension. "Keep playing." She whispered. "It sounds beautiful."

She slid her hands down his chest, slowly undoing the buttons of his shirt, fingernails raking across his bared skin, feeling the taut muscles underneath. "Off." She ordered, pulling the shirt down his arms. Once it was removed, she discarded it near the sofa.

With a playful tug at his ear with her teeth, she whispered in his ear. "Do you want me?" She asked, kissing his neck.

JD groaned as she peppered his skin with kisses. He needed to see her. "I want to see you."

Shepard moved to stand in between his legs, her black lace robe clinging to her body. "If you want to see me, you got to unwrap me."

"I thought it was your birthday." He grinned, tugging at the silk tie of her robe.

"This is a present that will benefit us both." Her body shivered as her skin was exposed to the air. "Are you just going to stare?"

He just chuckled as he gently squeezed her thighs, his fingertips grazing a trail up to her hips. Her skin felt like velvet making his hands tingle with eagerness to explore every inch of her. He pulled her closer, giving her a tender kiss on her stomach. "I want a family with you." He whispered against her stomach.

She ran her fingers through the stubbly hair on his head, touched by his raw honesty. It might be crazy, and maybe it was, but she knew that he was the one thing that she had been missing. She didn't want to wait for things to happen. She was sick of putting her life on hold for everyone else. She nearly died many times over and did die. Her time was now. "Let's try for one."

JD pulled away to look up at her. "You mean try for a baby?" He swallowed down the lump in his throat.

"Yeah." She used a hand to wipe away her tears, using the other to caress his face. "I'm ready for this if you are."

JD stood up, looming over her as if she was his prey. They looked at each other, wondering which one would strike first. In an instant, he crushed his lips against hers, pushing her into the piano. He ran his tongue against her bottom lip to tease her mouth open, groaning as their tongues connected. Everything between them had been chaste and innocent. But now, they were devouring each other, tongues battling for dominance over the other. Shepard chuckled against his mouth as he wrapped her legs around his waist, lifting her up in one swift movement, never for a moment breaking the kiss. He walked towards the closest bedroom, somehow making it all the way, until they fell on to the bed in one tangled, breathless heap.

She pushed against him to make him sit up. Shaky hands fumbled at the belt of his trousers. Forcefully tugging it apart with impatient urgency, before making short work of the zip. With her help, he shrugged off the trousers before turning his attentions back to her.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered against the skin of her neck, gently nipping at the flesh. She tasted how he imagined she would. How easy it would be to get hooked on her. Not that he wasn't already.

Her heart was beating hard in her chest, the tingles of anticipation shooting down her spine to her sex as his intentions became clear. He kissed the hollow space between her breasts, inhaling her scent. He never wanted to stop exploring her body. She was so responsive to his ministrations, every touch, kiss had elicited such harmonic sounds. He brushed his thumb over her right nipple, taking the hardened nub into his mouth, massaging her other breast.

Every touch from him felt exhilarating. No one had ever made her feel so alive. Sex with Garrus and Kaidan had been good, but JD took pleasure to a whole new level. He was eager to touch every part of her and she wanted to let him. She scraped her fingernails against his scalp as he went lower, kissing her abdomen. He took his sweet time, building up her anticipation for what was to come.

He marvelled at the softness of her thighs. Beautiful, soft skin lined with faint scars, but in no way taking away from the perfection that she was. Each scar served as a reminder of how powerful she truly was, and he would make it his mission to memorise each other. To remember her tireless fight to save the galaxy.

He pressed kiss into her sex, smirking as a little gasp escaped her lips. He always enjoyed oral sex, and he wanted to make sure she did too. He was gentle at first, teasing her sex with his deft fingers. The grunt of frustration from his lover told him she was ready for more. With a devious grin, he probed at her sex with his tongue. The taste of her arousal went straight to his head, and the mask of control slipped.

Shepard gripped the pillows behind her head as he slid a finger into her. "More." She groaned out, long and low. She gasped, arching her back as his tongue circled her clit. He was relentless, eager to bring her to the brink, which she would happily throw herself off. Her toes curled as she reached her peak, coming hard against his face with a broken, throaty cry. Her body felt on fire, yet weightless. Every nerve ending alight with passion. Suddenly, she was engulfed by him, his body covering her own, his hardened length pressing into her thigh. She opened her eyes to see his satisfied grin lighting up his handsome face. A shaky laugh broke free. "You are disgustingly good at that."

"I know." He kissed her gently. "But I'm not finished."

Something about his tone made her sex throb desperately with want. "I need you."

He reached down between the to guide himself into her. His eyes snapped shut as he filled her with his length. She was indescribable, like being wrapped in pure silk. "Little red. You are incredible." He groaned.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him so close that her breath tickled his ear. She whispered filthy things to spur him on as he moved in and out of her languidly. Even so, she needed more. She was never one for gentle sex. A real decadent fuck was more her thing. "Fuck me, JD. Own me." She whispered, nipping at his ear.

With guttural growl, he pinned her arms above her head. Their eyes met, and her body convulsed. The look in his eyes was the most erotic thing she had ever seen. He looked at her like an assassin who had found his target. He moved in a punishing rhythm, controlled and deliberate. All she could think about was the man above, drowning in pleasure. She matched him stroke for stroke, snapping her hips up to meet him.

"Gods, don't stop." She groaned out as she felt herself reaching a climax again. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her foot digging into the flesh of his left buttock. She cried out his name, seeing stars as she came.

He held something back, making sure she came before he was close. She had been satisfied, he let himself go, thrusting desperately, lacking the control and grace he previously used. He spilled himself inside of her, growling deep in his throat.

Together they lay still connected, holding onto to each other, sharing playful little kisses. After a time, JD moved on to his back, pulling her into his side. Shepard sighed happily, resting her head on his chest. They fell asleep blissfully, surer than ever about their joint future.

* * *

Shepard woke in the early hours to find herself alone in bed. She looked around, unable to see JD anywhere. He wasn't just in the bathroom, she got up, pulling her robe around her. Padding along barefoot out of the bedroom, she could hear the soft, sporadic playing of the piano. She found him sat elbow resting against the piano, tapping the keys quietly. "JD, are you ok?"

He heaved a heavy sigh, before turning to look at her with tear stained eyes. "No." He replied sadly.

Shepard sat next to him on the piano stool, rubbing his back gently. "Talk to me."

"If we are going to build a life together, then I need to be honest with you." He got up and moved to stand by the window. "My daughter wasn't biologically mine. I met her mother when I was working in a fast food place. She was already five months pregnant, but the father wanted nothing to do with either of them. We fell in love and I agreed to raise the baby with her. Lucy came along but we needed money to support us, so I enlisted in the Alliance."

"You don't need to open this wound, JD." Shepard soothed, moving to stand beside him.

"Things were fine for a few years. Until Lucy's father came back wanting to see her. Suddenly things went south, it was always about him, Lucy's daddy. Never mind I spent 9 years raising her. Octavia and I had a huge row, so I walked out. 4 days later, Lucy died, undiagnosed heart condition."

Shepard pulled him to her as he started to cry. "I'm so sorry."

He sucked in a breath, trying to control the tears. "My in laws banned me from the funeral. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her." His voice cracked, tears free flowing now. "6 months later, Octavia killed herself. I found out at my wife's funeral that she had been sleeping with him from a month after he showed up to when she died."

"Even now you still think of her fondly?" She asked.

"Yes, I do. She was manipulated by him and her parents. They hated me from day 1. The moment he arrived, they couldn't wait to boot me out. I felt guilty for many reasons, but now it's about other reasons."

"Why should you feel guilty?"

"Because I don't feel sad about Octavia dying anymore. I will miss my Lulu for the rest of my life, but I've made peace with it now, because I have you."

Shepard placed her hands on his cheeks, turning him towards her. "You've spent 10 years mourning them. They would want you to move on. You will always carry them with you. My parents will always be with me, but I moved on because they would want that."

"I had no one after they died." He let her wipe his tears away, grateful that she was there listening his pain. "When I was 16, I walked out on my family because I was selfish. I didn't want to be what they wanted. I told my own mother that I wish she dead." With that, his legs gave out.

Shepard gently lowered him to floor, holding on to him. "Did you ever tried to make contact."

"No." He shook his head, cheeks burning with shame. "Like a coward, I let shame stop me."

Shepard thought back to the week previously when Anderson came to visit. She heard them both discussing something in which JD seemed quite angry. "Anderson. They contacted him didn't they? They've been trying to find you."

He sat up, sitting against the window. "He said they loved me and desperately wanted to find me."

Shepard stood up quickly, holding out her hand to him. "Get up. You are going to call them now."

JD wanted to object but the look in her eyes told him it was pointless. When Shepard was determined, no amount of arguing would prevent her from reaching her goal. It was one of the many reasons he loved her. He took her hand and stood up, allowing her to lead him to her study. Shepard put the details into the terminal and he waited anxiously for an answer.

"Hello?" Came the drowsy response as if someone had been woken up.

"Hi mum." He answered. The shocked yet relieved gasp set his tears flowing again. "I'm sorry." He sobbed.

Shepard left the room to give them some space to talk things over. After 23 years, there was a lot of ground to cover. She would dearly love to have her parents back, but that would never happen, so she was determined to heal JD's relationship with his own.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dont hate me!

JD looked out of the window of the sky car, stomach churning violently as his family home came into view. Shepard had kept him calm throughout the journey. He was looking forward to seeing his family, but he would never have had strength if it wasn't for Shepard's calming influence.

The taxi landed with a soft bump, JD getting out first. When they had their bags, they made the short trip to the house, stopping just short of the front steps. The front door was flung open with such force, that the front windows rattled slightly. A woman in her 60's came rushing out, flinging her arms around JD in a suffocating hug, crying out his name.

"Let me look at you." She pulled back, casting her eyes over her son. "My handsome baby." She cried.

"Don't cry, mum." JD turned to Shepard, giving her a slightly embarrassed smile. "Mum, there's someone I want you to meet." His mum looked around him, shocked to see Commander Shepard standing there. "Mum, this is Elowen Shepard."

His mum stepped around JD to Shepard, suddenly pulling her into a hug. "I assume you are the reason my son has come home?"

"I may have nagged him a little." Shepard chuckled, giving JD a cheeky wink. "You can call me, Elle."

"I'm Elizabeth, but you can call me Liz." She took Shepard's hand and led her to the front door. "Come on in, lunch is nearly ready."

Liz led them both into the back garden, where the smell of barbeque filled the air, making Shepard's stomach lurch with hunger. A gaggle of kids were kicking a football around with their dads, while JD's three sisters were relaxing under the sun. His dad was tending to the barbeque, while swigging on a bottle of beer. "Everyone. JD's here."

His three sisters ran up to him, throwing their arms around him, excited to see their big brother again. "Hey girls." JD laughed as they mobbed him. He held it together, but he felt like falling to his knees and begging for forgiveness. He missed a lot of their lives and that saddened him. When his sisters let him go, he took Shepard's hand to pull her closer. "This is Elle, my girlfriend."

The sisters looked at her in awe, instantly recognising the red headed beauty. "Commander Shepard?" They said in unison, until one sister gave her hug. "Hi, I'm Sarah. This is Anna and Rachel. What do we call you?"

"Oh, call me Elle. Are those your kids?"

They looked towards the kids as they played happily. "Yeah, our monsters." Rachel chuckled. "Kids came and say Hello to JD and Elle."

Seven kids of all varying ages ran over to them, looking up at their Uncle, then to Shepard. "Are you, Commander Shepard?" One little girl asked in amazement.

Shepard crouched down, smiling at the kids. "I am, but you can call me, Ellie. Now, what do I call you little cuties?" A rush voices talked over each other, trying to her their name. "One at a time."

"Are you our auntie?" Another asked.

"That depends on your uncle." Shepard looked up at JD with a smirk.

JD laughed knowingly. He had been thinking about a proposal but wanted the perfect time to do it. "I think we should keep her. What do you kids think?" Excited voices agreed. "Let's introduce her to grandpa."

They walked down to the paved area where the barbeque sat. JD and his dad embraced immediately, before he introduced him to Shepard. "Elle, this is my dad Michael."

Michael shook Shepard's hand, "Pleasure to meet you, Admiral."

"And you, Michael. But call me, Elle."

"Elle, it is then. Dinner is nearly ready so take a seat."

They shared a somewhat emotional lunch and by the evening the baby photos had come out. Shepard had teased JD mercilessly over what an adorable baby he was. As embarrassed as he was by his parents, he was delighted how easily Shepard fit into their family. The kids were eager to get her attention and she gave it freely. Within hours, she had an invite to a family wedding, the annual holiday and the youngest child's birthday party.

By the time they got to bed, JD was exhausted by the emotions of the day. He was grateful to Shepard. If she hadn't have pushed him to call his family, then visit, he wouldn't feel complete.

JD woke to the light of the full moon beaming through a gap in the drawn curtains. Slinging his forearm up to shield his eyes, he turned over, reaching over to Shepard, only to find empty space. Sitting up, he looked around the darkened room. "Elle." He called out, quietly.

Swinging his legs off the bed, planting both feet on the floor, he stood up with a groan as his muscle pained in protest. Padding towards the bathroom door, it slid open and his heart stopped at the sight before him. Shepard lay face down on the cold tiled floor, motionless.

He rushed to her side, gently shaking her. "Elle? Come on red." He rested her back down to the floor and rush out of the room into the hallway. "Mum! Mum!" He yelled, before rushing back to Shepard.

Moments later his mum, quickly followed by his dad appeared in the doorway. "What's wrong?" She asked as she moved to Shepard's side.

"I just found her like this." He cried. JD sat and watched as his mum took charge, barking instructions at her husband as she worked on Shepard. Michael had rushed from the room to call the emergency services.

"JD, I need you to go to the front door and wait for the medics. Can you do that?" She asked with all the composure she learned as an A & E doctor. "JD, can you do that?"

JD snapped out of his trance and stood up. "Yes, I can do that." He walked downstairs waiting for the medics to arrive, lost in a blur of panic and disbelief. It wasn't the first time he saw someone he loved laying motionless on the floor. He didn't know how he could face it again. Not with Shepard, he couldn't lose her, not now or ever.

The medics arrived in record time and wasted no time in getting Shepard into the shuttle. JD suspected that his father had dropped her name into the call. She was an icon and if she needed help, she would get it no questions asked.

Dr Elizabeth Coats sat in the waiting room, gently stroking her son's hand as it trembled. She had been in that room more times than she could count. Only she was always the Doctor, giving good and occasionally bad news to worried relatives. Now she was on the other side, waiting for what felt like forever for news on the woman who had been in her life for less than 24 hours.

It had been 16 hours to be precise. Even in that short time, Elowen Shepard had made an impact. Liz had suspected that she just had that ability. She was every bit the person that the news reports had shown and yet so much more. The news reports didn't show the woman underneath. The one with sense of humour, a person who would sit and chat about anything with anyone. The one who adored children and made them feel like the most special child in the galaxy. One who commanded the fiercest of loyalties and the utmost respect. It was said that people would swear fealty to Shepard if she asked them too, but Liz knew she never would.

Both JD and Liz looked up as the door opened. A colleague of Liz had walked in, a serious and somewhat sad expression etched on his aged face. "Josiah. What's the diagnoses?" She asked, gripping on her son's hand even tighter.

Josiah heaved a heavy sigh. "I've been in touch with the doctors that treated her after the war. Also spoken to Dr Chakwas. Shepard has a piece of shrapnel stuck in one of her implants. At the time it was agreed that it would safer to her to leave it. Unfortunately, Shepard had now developed sepsis which in turn has made her blood pressure drop quite dramatically."

"Have you started that antibiotic treatment?"

"We have. We think now would be the time to remove the shrapnel. But, I warn you now. Shepard has been through a lot of trauma; her body may not be responsive to treatment. Also, the removal of the Shrapnel could kill her."

"I'll lend what expertise I have on the surgery. Dr Mayad is the most qualified for that kind of surgery. When can we see her?"

"Soon." Josiah patted her hand. "We'll do whatever we can for her. Specialists are already on the way to help."

Once the doctor had left, Liz turned to her son. He had yet to say anything since Shepard was flown from the house. "Son? She'll be ok."

"We've been trying for a baby." He replied with a shaky broken voice. He let out a pained whine, leaning into his mother. "I can't lose her." He cried.

"You won't. She's a fighter." Liz did her best to comfort her son. She had to believe that Shepard would pull through. An infection wouldn't bring down a woman who saved the galaxy three times over.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I said I werent that cruel.

Anderson walked through the hospital to Shepard's room, a plethora of emotions running around his mind. He cared for Shepard a great deal. She had become an important part of his life. Now, he was face with the possibility of losing her again. It angered him more than it upset him, as she had given so much and asked for so little. If anyone deserved a happy, full life, it was Shepard. She was the reason billions were still alive, able to build brand new futures.

After she had split from Garrus, he decided to set her up with a man he thought worthy of her. When he started working with Major Coats, he got to know a lot about him. He had his fair share of tragedy and heartbreak, yet he kept going. He was a good soldier and an honourable man. He also, like many other men, had a crush on Shepard. Anderson saw when they first met on the shuttle and he knew there was chemistry between them. Fortunately for the Admiral, Lieutenant Vega knew the Major well and was only too happy to set them up. He didn't know how he convinced a vulnerable JD to approach Shepard, but he was glad he did. According to Vega, they were inseparable and very much in love. It was exactly what Shepard and JD deserved.

He stepped into her room, his heart sinking at the sight of Shepard, unconscious with pale, gaunt skin and JD head slumped against the bed, resting on her left hand. He was asleep and no doubt exhausted. Anderson had been told that JD hadn't left the room once. He only left her bedside to use the bathroom. The nurses grew so concerned for him that they started having people bring food for him and making a bed on the small sofa in the room. No amount of convincing would get JD from her side.

Anderson moved to her bedside, placing his hand on JD's left shoulder to give him a gentle shake. "Son?" He asked, gently.

JD groaned, lifting his head up. "Sir, didn't hear you come in."

"Son, this isn't healthy. Go home and get some proper sleep."

"No point." JD replied, miserably. "I won't sleep without her."

"Or at least get some fresh air."

"Sir, she's been taken in for surgery that might kill her in two hours. I'm not leaving until she's leaving with me." He turned away from Anderson, fed up of people trying to coax him from the hospital. He needed to be by her side.

"Ok." Anderson started. "I'll stay and you get some sleep on the sofa. I'll wake you if I need too."

JD sighed, reluctantly getting up from the chair. "Wake me as soon as something changes."

Thankfully, JD was still asleep when Shepard was taken into surgery. Even with all the chatter and moving of the bed, he didn't wake up. To Anderson, it just proved just how exhausted he was. The Admiral had sat nervously for two hours, praying quietly for all that time that he wouldn't have to tell JD that Shepard died on the operating table.

JD has stirred a couple of times when they brought Shepard back into the room, but still stayed asleep. Anderson was grateful for that, as he knew JD would just question the doctors about the surgery and worry himself to pieces. Anderson himself had questioned the doctors, relieved to know that the surgery was successful and the implant still in working order. Now, all he could do was wait for Shepard to wake up. She was tough, a fighter, but like all fighters, they can't keep fighting forever.

* * *

Shepard opened her eyes to the bright lights of the Normandy med bay. When she sat up she realised she was somewhere she shouldn't be. It was the med bay of the SR-1. She had been there many times to recognise it on sight. She slipped off the bed, walking out into the mess. Everything was how it should be, but something was missing. Crew.

"Hey Skipper." The voice made Shepard jump, making the person laugh. "Easy, Commander. When did you get so jumpy?"

"Ashley?" Shepard asked in a high-pitched voice. "Why am I here?"

"You got sick. But you should go back, it's not your time yet." Ashley led Shepard to the stairs beckoning her to walk up them.

"My time came a long time ago, Ashley." Shepard slumped defeated, refusing to walk up the stairs. "I can't fight anymore."

Ashley sighed, turning back towards the mess. "See. Told you she wouldn't listen."

A tender hand squeezed her shoulder affectionately. A rich deep voice chuckling lightly beside her. "Siha."

Shepard turned around quickly, suddenly face to face with Thane. "Thane?" Shepard cried, falling into his arms. "I've missed you."

"You've been brave, Shepard." Thane gripped her forearms, pushing her back slightly. "You've come too far to give up, Siha."

"I don't want to go through life, worried that my body will fail on me again." Shepard looked away from Thane, a little gasp escaping her lips as she was surrounded by loved ones she had lost. "Why are you all here?"

"To convince you to go back." A voice, warm and familiar, spoke. Young Corporal Jenkins smiled. "People still need you."

Shepard laughed, humourlessly. "For me to save them all again."

"No." Another female voice spoke, sternly but with love. "There are people who love you. You'd be leaving a hole in their lives that could never be filled."

Trembling, Shepard held on to Thane for support as the woman approached her. "Mother?" Shepard uttered in barely more than a whisper. "I'm sorry." She sobbed.

Hannah Shepard caught her daughter as her knees gave way, stroking her hair, gently rocking her. "Don't be so silly. What have you got to be sorry for? For being who you are? For living a full life? For saving lives?"

After a few minutes, Shepard managed to stand up straight to look at her mother. "I couldn't get to you."

Hannah kissed her daughter's forehead, tucking her crimson hair behind her eyes. "I'm glad you couldn't. You've made me proud."

"You've made us all proud." Michael Shepard stood behind his daughter, caressing her back. "Go and live, little bird." He pleaded.

Shepard hugged both her parents tight, before looking at all the people gathered around her. Mordin, Ashley, Jenkins, Thane, Legion and her SR-1 crew. They had all gathered for her, to make sure she took the gift of life she was being given. For them she would take it and live it as much as she could. "Everyone will remember you. All of you." She promised.

With a shaky step, she put her foot up on the first step, gripping on to the railings. She heaved a big breath, slowly walking up the stairs. When she got halfway, she turned to look back at the people she loved. It would be easy to stay with them, but there were people living who she loved too. One who was her soulmate. She never believed in soulmates before, but meeting JD changed that opinion. He was her soulmate and they had earned some years together. With a smile, she continued her climb, ready to face anything. Pausing when she got to the door, she watched it open. Gone was the CIC, a wall of white light in its place. "I am Elowen Shepard and I'll stay down when I choose to." She said to herself, moving into the light.

Shepard fluttered her eyes, opening them slowly. All she could properly see was white ceiling tiles. A machine beeped to the right of her and a gentle sob coming from the left, barely made her ears. She listened to a familiar voice trying to soothe the one crying.

"Son. Give her time." She knew it was Anderson. He always came to her side, whenever and wherever. "Shepard doesn't know how to give up. She's far too stubborn for that."

Despite the pain in her side, Shepard couldn't help but laugh, catching the attention of the two men in the room. She gave JD a sad smile when she saw his tired, weary face. He looked like hell, like he'd been through it too. "You need to shave." She said with as much volume as she could muster.

JD laughed for the first time since she had been admitted to hospital. Despite how serious the situation was, he could help but laugh. His soul needed it and she always made him laugh, it was one the many reasons he loved her so much. "And you need to get that beautiful bum of yours out of bed."

"Make me." She teased. "I love you."

JD gave her a tender kiss, rubbing his nose against hers. "I love you. But please, no more almost dying."

"I promise." She grinned. "No more almost dying."

Anderson made excuses, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room. He was convinced completely more than ever, that they were meant for each other. It wasn't just love between them, but something much stronger, much deeper. He also knew that the Alliance were about to lose Shepard completely, but he was ok with that. She had done enough, it was time they gave back to her. He would make sure they did.


	12. Almost there

JD watched Shepard out of the corner of his eye as she shifted in the seat of their sky-limo. She was nervous and he knew it. But he understood her worry. She had been out of the public eye for months, leading to speculation as to where she had gone. The Alliance News Network had been running a "Shepard watch" pretty much since she went anonymous.

It wasn't a choice that she was eager to make, but a necessary one. She needed to take things easy, to heal from her bout of Sepsis. Now things had changed so peace was more important than ever. When she left hospital, she set about writing the truth about her life, from her early days on Mindoir, to the death of her parents, to the events of Saren and beyond. It was the full story in her own words, for the people she lost to be remembered and immortalized. A friend of JD's had suggested that the book be made into a film and thanks to his connections, it was made possible. Now they were in the sky-limo on their way to the premiere in London.

JD turned to look at her fully, admiring her beauty. She was dressed in a full-length black lace gown and hair was plaited up to a chignon at the nap of her neck. She looked truly stunning. "You look beautiful." He stated as if it were indisputable fact. To him it was.

Shepard blushed, shifting in the seat again. "I don't feel it. I feel like a whale."

He reached over to caress her swollen stomach. Their baby boy moved from side to side, occasionally pushing a hand or foot against his father's palm. "You look amazing."

Laying her hand on his, she beamed at the way her son moved within her. He was an active boy, which proved to JD that he was just like his mother. Shepard couldn't stay still either. "In four weeks, we get to meet to him. He'll be handsome like his daddy."

JD moved closer to her, caressing her thigh through the fabric of her dress, a lascivious look on his face. "So, where do you think it happened?

She turned to him; her eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Bit hard to pin point. Not exactly celibate, are we?"

He kissed her neck, slowly pulling her dress up her legs. "Are you wearing underwear." He whispered in her ear, burying his face into her neck.

Shepard let out a high pitched laughed, squirming as his hot breath tickled at skin. She pushed him away, giving him a playful punch on the arm. "You are such a pervert."

"Can't blame me when my wife is a beautiful as she is."

Shepard sighed happily, resting her head on his shoulder. "I love it when you call me that."

"Greatest day of my life." He agreed with her unspoken statement. It was a day that would forever be etched into his memory. His mother had insisted that they had a gender reveal party at the Coats family home. JD had decided that he'd propose the night before so they could announce it at the party. Only Shepard, with her brilliant yet ill-timed idea, had ruined his proposal plans. Well, she ruined the plans by guessing when she found his Grandmother's engagement ring. He proposed any way as he cooked her favourite dinner. It wasn't the romantic way that he planned, but it was exactly what Shepard wanted. She didn't need grand gestures, huge tokens of love. All she wanted was sweet little gestures and to know she was on his mind when it truly mattered.

They had planned a surprise wedding with only friends and family around them. The guests had no idea what was going to happen, until Admiral Anderson asked for everyone's attention so Shepard could make her entrance with Joker on her arm. She wore a simple white gown with little blue flowers in her hair. It wasn't long before the guests realised what was happening and by the end of the small ceremony, there wasn't a dry eye in the garden. After everything they had been through, both separately and together, they had finally found their own little paradise between them.

The driver interrupted their happy reminiscing to let them know that they were minutes away from their destination, sending Shepard back into her nervous state. JD took her hand, gently pressing his lips to her knuckles. "You don't need to do this."

She sucked in a breath, exhaling slowly. "I have to, JD. I can't hide forever."

It was hard for JD to see her so nervous. He knew how happy she'd be if she never was seen in public again. She was sick of being "Commander Shepard." She had changed her name legally to "Ellie Coats" for that reason. For Shepard, the former died on the Citadel, giving rise to the latter. After he placed one more tender kiss on her lips, he turned to open the sky limo door to see a crowd of press eagerly calling for interviews with celebrities and dignitaries. "Your public awaits, my lady."

Shepard chuckled, taking his outstretched hand. She stilled, pulling him back slightly. When his eyes met hers, a tear slipped down her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you more." He flashed a smile before getting out of the limo.

No sooner had she stepped out; all eyes were on her. A several dozen cameras flashed, eager to get a shot of the formerly missing Commander. Shepard groaned when she saw Al-Jilani desperate to get her attention. She didn't have time for that woman so when she saw Emily Wong, she immediately went to her greeting her warmly. "Emily, glad to see you're ok."

"You've caused a stir, Shepard." She teased, gesturing to her swollen stomach. "Who's the lucky guy."

Shepard laughed just as JD appeared behind, wrapping his arms around her swollen stomach. "Emily, this is Major JD Coats. My husband." She said proud, leaning against his solid form.

"Husband?" That surprised Emily. Shepard had been in a few high profiles romances and none of them seemed like marriage would ever be on the cards. No one even knew she had started a new relationship, never mind a relationship that was _that_ serious. But judging by the way the pair looked at each other, it had the potential to go the distance. Emily couldn't help but chuckle to herself at the string of disappointed men that would follow her forlornly. "I seem to remember being promised an inclusive…." She started. "So how about an interview so my viewers can get the full story?"

JD quickly winked at Emily, making her blush. "Deal, and we'll let you use shots of the wedding too."

Shepard nudged her husband in the ribs, trying to fake being annoyed but failing completely. "I'll call you tomorrow, Emily. You can come to the house."

"Excellent. You better go in. They can't start without their star." Emily watched as the pair went inside before giving her fellow reporters a knowing smile. An interview like that would see Emily's career soar. She didn't know just how she could thank Shepard, but she'd think of something.

The after party was in full swing, revellers in deep conversations, laughing and joking as Shepard walked in with JD on her arm. Luckily, they didn't seem to pay her much attention, something which she was glad about. JD moved away from her to get drinks just as she spotted James in conversation with Steve. Shepard couldn't help to smile at the man who would officially take her place on the Normandy. Steve left James alone giving Shepard the perfect time to speak with him alone. She approached him from behind, tickling his sides just under his ribs, making him jump. "Hey, James. Behaving I trust?"

James immediately wrapped his arms around his mentor. "Lola. I haven't seen you since the wedding."

"Well, I've been a bit busy." She joked, gesturing towards her stomach. "Can we talk alone?"

"Sure, Lola. Let's go out on the balcony." James led her outside, stopping to rest against the railings. "You aren't gonna tell me you love me, are you?" He teased.

She punched his arm, moving to take a spare seat. "So, first things first. I'm officially retiring from the Alliance."

"Retiring." James voice broke slightly. "I knew you were on extended leave, but I always thought you'd come back."

"The Brass left it open for me to return but I just can't do it." There was sadness in Shepard's voice. It was to be expected, after all, her career was over, and she needed to find a new purpose. "Anderson asked me for my opinion over me successor on the Normandy. I told him there was only one option."

It took James a moment to work out what she was saying to him. "Me?" He spluttered quickly. "What about Kaidan?"

Shepard stood up carefully, moving to stand in front of James. "From the moment we met I knew that you would be to me what I was to Anderson. You are ready for this, James."

"What if I'm not?" James whispered.

"You are, James." She took his hand in hers and their forearms rested against each other. He pressed their linked hands against the skin over his heart. She would never know just how important she was to him and nor he to her. "I may not be Alliance anymore, but I will always be your mentor."

"Thank you." James cried slightly, his eyes glistening. He looked down at the bump between them, realisation dawning on him as to why she was retiring. She had given her all for the galaxy, now she just wanted to give her all to her son. "So, does little loco have a name yet?"

Shepard beamed as he son danced from side to side inside of her. "Yeah he does." She turned to the balcony does to see JD coming with Anderson, Steve and Joker in tow. James wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a side hug. "JD, just in time. I was just telling James what our son's name is."

JD moved to her side, placing a hand on her stomach. "Oh, is the only argument I'm gonna win?"

Shepard scoffed. "Oh please! We both win with this one." She placed her hand over JD's hand, smirking knowingly at her husband. "His name is, James David Steven Coats. After all my favourite men."

Joker coughed. "Ahh, do I not count?"

Shepard wrapped her arms around her pilot, pulling his hat off his head, holding it away from him. "Oh, see my handsome pilot, I have a special job for you. You wanna be my son's godfather, teach him to fly like you?"

Joker didn't wanna show it but inside he beamed with pride. He would be nothing short of delighted to be the godfather. He and Shepard had grown close over the years and he would adore her son as much as he adored her. Not that he'd ever tell her that. "Give me the hat back and I'll teach him how to be witty and sarcastic too."

Shepard kissed his cheek and placed the hat gently on his head. "Deal."

After a couple of hours, chatting with various people, Shepard started to get tired. She couldn't deny that she was glad that she attended the premiere. She even managed to have a good talk with Sparatus. He wasn't so bad really, charming and witty. Primarch Victus offered his congratulations on the news of her marriage and impending motherhood. The Quarians Admirals, well Han'Gerrel and Shala'Raan insisted that she visit Rannoch with the baby. Admittedly, after hearing what they had achieved with the Geth, she was keen to do just that.

It quickly became apparent after that night that little James David Steven Coats was the most anticipated baby in the galaxy. Some news stations even started a countdown to her due date. It was a mystery how they even found out, but she decided to let that go. While she didn't want to be the focus of the galaxy again, she was icon and an important part of the galaxy. If anything, she was just happy that something positive had united the galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter.
> 
> Also I know the impending arrival is like a Royal baby situation, but it's Commander Fucking Shepard! She practically the Queen of the Milky Way, so it kinda is.


End file.
